Top 15 Influences

There's a meme going around Facebook called "Book Snob."  It asks you to list the Top 15 Authors (poets included) who influenced you and will always be with you.  Well, I thought about it, and if I'm honest with myself, there's not 15 authors that have influenced me into becoming the person I am today. I'm not a big reader, folks...  So, let's get a little more creative with the word "authors."  So, for this, I will define "authors" as someone who has written something, as opposed to just a book or poem.

1.  Bill Watterson -  (Calvin & Hobbes):  There is no doubt that Bill Watterson's iconic comic strip had a big impact on me.  Heck, in a lot of ways, I will walk around with my imaginary friend.  And, I'm not ashamed to admit that.  I gotta have someone who really gets me, right?

2.  John - (The Gospel According to John):  John wrote the book of the Gospel that I most identify with, that I read the most often and this book is responsible for bringing me to Christ.

3.  Donald Miller - (Blue Like Jazz & others): Mr. Miller writes about Christianity and approaches the subject with non-religious thoughts.  He writes about the kind of Christian I try to or at least want to be.

4.  Stephen Page - (songwriter; formally of Barenaked Ladies):  I always preferred the Stephen songs to the Ed songs.  His songwriting seems to me therapy for himself and his manic depression.  He is a genius songwriter, certainly flawed (that seems to be how it works, eh?) that has definitely influenced my own songwriting and lyrics.

5.  Ryan Adams - (songwriter):  A brilliantly talented songwriter whose music makes me think there is no need for me to write songs because he already wrote them and 1000x better.  He is another flawed musical genius that has helped me to realize how to write eloquently and honestly about my emotions.

6.  Liz Phair - (songwriter):  If you know me, I guess it's no surprise to see Liz on this list, after all I all but worship her.  It is the intimacy of her songs that have influenced my life and my songwriting.  If only I could speak/write with half the intimacy & honesty as she does in her music.

7.  Lord Byron - (poet; "She Walks in Beauty"): Honestly, "She Walks in Beauty" is the only poem by Lord Byron I can remember.  It's just so descriptive in how he tells of the beauty of the woman he loves.  In a lot of ways, I think this poem influenced my thinking about relationships and how intimate they should/can be.

8. Harry Anderson - (Con-artist; Night Court Actor):  I pretty much watched his stand-up/magic routine "Hello Sucker," special near endlessly when I was a kid (if you can match quotes with me from this special, I will love you forever).  He taught me I should always have a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.  He also taught me that if a man walks up with an unopened deck of cards and bets me that the Queen of Hearts will jump out of that deck and squirt cider in my ear that I should not take that bet because as soon as I do, I will end up with an earful of cider.

9.  Congressman John Linder & Neil Boortz - (The FairTax Book):  This book opened my eyes to taxes.  This country needs the FairTax if we are to remain a SuperPower and we need it now to get the economy back on track.

10.  Douglas Adams & Terry Pratchitt - (Various Sci-Fi Fantasy Novels):  Love the humor and satire these two authors write.  I include them both as one because I've only read the Hitchhiker's Guide series twice and it's been several years since I sat down with a Discworld novel.

11.  Sylvia Plath - (poet):  I'm learning more about the woman and the feelings behind her poems and journal.  While she suffered from major depression and ultimately killed herself, I think she write beautifully and quite intimately.  She was really in touch with her emotions and I strive to be like that... without the suicide...

12.  Molly Bang - (author, "The Grey Lady and Strawberry Snatcher"):  Her book had no words. It was all illustrations.  Beautiful pictures telling the story.  I remember "reading" this book countless times as a child.  And probably owe a major chunk of my imagination to this book that taught me the power of pictures to tell the story.  I would "read" it and the "words" and "dialogue" in the story would be slightly different every time.

13.  Dr. Seuss - If I have to explain this... well, the point, you miss.

14.  Stephen Soundheim - (Composer):  His musicals are wonderfully written.  But, this is more for two of his shows:  Children of Eden and Into The Woods.  These two shows hold a special place in my heart because of what they taught me about being a parent.

15.  My dad:  I don't think he wrote anything, but I would not be who I am today without my father.  He is still teaching me to this day and is one of the biggest influences in my life.  He is the person I most try to be like.

Another definition

Let's do another definition.  I stumbled across this quote that is attributed to Bob Marley:

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."

For my two cents, that's pretty much what intimacy in a relationship is all about.  You cannot enjoy the love within a relationship without opening yourself up and being vulnerable to the possible pain.  Totally worth it though.

Love is a word

(aka: Random Thoughts on Love)

Check out all the definitions for the word, "love:"
(as defined at Dictionary.com)

-noun

1.  a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2.  a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3.  sexual passion or desire.

4.  a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

5.  (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

6.  a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.

7.  sexual intercourse; copulation.

8.  (initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.

9.  affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.

10.  strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.

11.  the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.

12.  the benevolent affection of god for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

13.  Chiefly Tennis . a score of zero; nothing.

14.  a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

–verb (used with object)

15.  to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.

16.  to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).

17.  to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.

18.  to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.

19.  to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.

20.  to have sexual intercourse with.

–verb (used without object)

21.  to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

—Verb phrase

22.  love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets.

—Idioms

23.  for love,

       a.  out of affection or liking; for pleasure.

       b.  without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.

24.  for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.

25.  in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.

26.  in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.

27.  make love,

       a.  to embrace and kiss as lovers.  b.  to engage in sexual activity.

28.  no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

No wonder relationships are complicated.

I remember when I was young, oh, junior high &  high school aged.  I remember when I got a crush on some girl and told a friend I was crushing.  Every time I told the friend, before long, the crush found out and I swear each and every time they never spoke to me again.  Man, teenagers are cruel.  Anyway, now that I look back on my junior & high school days, I think these major tragedies affected who I am today.  I say major tragedies because at the time I was devastated.  I was also young, naive and, geez I just wanted a girlfriend so bad.

Ha!  In thinking back on those misadventures, I remember telling a few girls that I loved them.  Not that we were dating or anything, just friends.  Though, more than I few times, I certainly wished our relationship was more than just friends.  Funny how they never seemed to realize that... or maybe they ignored that part of it.  I don't know.  But, maybe the end result was that I built walls around my heart.

Or maybe I just believed that love happens the way it does in the movies.  Hopeless romantic...

Now, I am pretty sure about love and how it happens.  I do believe in love at first sight.  But that is not necessarily everlasting love.  No, everlasting love is something you choose.  Love is a decision and you choose to stay in it or choose to fall out of it.  It's work.

What was my original point?  Oh yes, walls around my heart...  I think how this effected me is perhaps I don't tell the people I love - no matter how that love manifests - that I do love them.  Sure, I tell my wife I love her at the end of phone calls, or as we say good night.  But, that's not the same thing as letting a person know you love them, is it?

I hope my actions speak for me, but maybe that's not enough.  While working on this show ("Dead Man's Cell Phone" by Sarah Ruhl), the subject matter is starting to make me think that I need to embrace the love I have for the people in my life and let them know that I do love them.

Maybe it's the fear of rejection why I don't.  Stupid as it sounds, I've been married for nearly 10 years and I'm still a little afraid to say "I love you" at a meaningful time.  My friends are my friends because I love them, but how weird would it be for me to tell them that?  What's the harm?  Is it completely inappropriate to tell your friends that you love them?

The conclusion I am coming to is that it shouldn't be.  Somehow, society has twisted the word "love" to mean the affection couples share for each other.  For some reason, "love" is exclusive to couples.  Why is that?

I was re-reading Don Miller's "Blue Like Jazz," and he states (correctly) that we are called to love everyone like Jesus did.  Not to make this a Jesus-moment, but really what is wrong with that sentiment?

Those bricks in my wall are slowly coming down.  Brick by brick, friend by friend, love by love, the wall is crumbling and there's nothing wrong with that.  Love is more than a word.  It's how I feel.

Time

Just a quick note:  I'm working on a few posts.  But time has escaped me.  Thoughts are gelling in my head.  And I need spare time to write them down.  Holy crap, am I busy... 

Social Grieving

The recent passing of a well-loved theater friend has sparked a lot of thought and reflection for me.  Not just the usual 5 steps of grieving.  This is not a story about her or grieving for her.  Just the spark.  So, don't think this is in any way related.  Keep in mind, I'm a people watcher and enjoy taking an introspective look at social habits and behaviors.

In the past couple of years, Facebook has obviously become a phenomenon.  I mean, you can friend your parents.  That automatically makes it a world-wide phenomenon that probably isn't going away for a while.  Since Facebook has exploded, I've learned about the deaths of two who were, well, more than just Facebook friends.  No, this is not about learning about their passing in such an impersonal way.  Maybe another time, but this is not it.

Instead, I'd like to focus on how social media has influenced how we grieve.  In fact, I'd like to give props to Facebook for actually having a way to memorialize someone who has died.  Look it up.  Basically, they take the profile private so only confirmed friends can see it and still post in remembrance.  I guess it's a nice way for people who, due to distance or whathaveyou, can't... be there in person(?) to grieve...

And I guess the way I wrote that last sentence is perhaps a bit telling as to what I've observed and think.  Maybe not.  I'll explain...

I completely understand the need to express your memories and grieve for the person who died on their wall.  And please, this is not written to condemn anyone who grieves and remembers a person in such a way.  Perhaps this  is really just a comical observation to help me heal.

But, as I look over wall postings of these friends who died, I wonder who are they written for.  Are the deceased capable of checking their Facebook?  Most are postings are along the lines of, "Soandso, I love you and will never forget this one time," or, "I miss you everyday."  (Perfectly valid feelings and sentiments, by the way).

Do we really think the person will see it in the afterlife ethereal?  We must, right?  Well, if they are so capable of checking their Facebook from the other world, surely they are powerful enough to be sitting next to us when we post such memorials.  And, if they are sitting right next to me when I post such a memorial, well, shoot I might as well just tell them.  If they can read their Facebook, I'm sure they can hear my words or read my thoughts.

So, I guess Facebooking is becoming apart of the grieving process.  And well, selfishly, I'm not sure if I like that.  For every friend me and deceased have in common, I get to see one of these memorial posts.  And, again, I get posting them.  But, does that help me grieve?  I don't know... Maybe so.  I do my own grieving in my own way and it's my own personal process.  I guess it helps others to know they are not alone in the grieving process.

Which brings me to my real point.  Why can't we just tell people that we love them and let them know they are not alone when they are here?  Why is that such a difficult thing to do?


I am quite the guilty person when it comes to that.  So, I guess do as I say, not as I do?  Or how about I just tell or show or express or do something every time I see you so you know that I love you.  Then, you won't have to worry about checking your Facebook when you die.  I'm sure you've got way more important things to do in heaven.  Like playing the harp or ironing your linen robes...