Unprofessionalism

In the interest of fair play, I've decided to relay a story of a show that I was completely unprofessional on. I might sound hypocritical after my last post on professionalism. But keep in mind, this story takes place nearly 10 years ago and I was a stupid 20 year old punk. I've learned from my stupid mistakes...

The show was "South Pacific." This would have been my second (and last) time performing in this show. I really hate this show. Not as much as Annie or the Sound of Music; however, it's a distant third. But, I digress.

I was cast as Stewpot. Not the part I wanted, mind you. Stewpot is a bass, a deep bass; I sing high tenor. Reluctantly, I accepted the role. I wanted to play the comedic relief, Billis. That role was filled by a Jeff Edwards, who I first met at auditions. Tangent: I instantly hated Jeff because he stole the role I wanted and to add salt to the wound, I was to play his dimwitted sidekick. The funny thing about life is Jeff is now one of my best and closest friends. I'm Godfather to his oldest child. Like I said, Life is funny that way... Back to the story...

During, what I recall, the very last performance, some of us actors decided to change a few things, add things that weren't originally there. For instance, there's a part where Billis and Stewpot walk across the stage and catcall after the young, native hottie - Liet. That night, instead of just whistling, I added something along the lines of "She's got a nice ass." Later, Billis makes it over to the enchanted isle of Ba'li Hai (it will call you). Another actor and I decided to goof off and "pretend" to be native islanders. So, when Billis leaves the scene to take part in some island action, we came out dressed in grass skirts... dressed ONLY in grass skirts. Ok, not buck naked, but you couldn't see my underwear and it looked like we were completely naked... and fat and hairy to boot. We thought we were being funny, but in reality we're destroying the show for the audience.

Later, we're offstage during a big dance number the girls are performing. We decided it would be fun to stand in the wings where the audience couldn't see us, but the girls could... with our pants down. Still had the underwear on. I remember THAT vividly because the director (who was just as unprofessional for letting us do all this) decided to mess with us. She snuck up behind us and pulled our boxers down. I was quick enough to prevent any appendages from being seen. My compadre was not as fortunate... and neither were the girls who got a eyeful of him...

At some point, the theatre board got wind of our antics. They were NOT PLEASED. It seems we had jeopardized their lease. Something about possible sexual harassment. To appease the leasor of the building, we were banned from performing with the company until we wrote a written apology for our actions and promised to never do something like that again. We were even sent spiffy letters on official playhouse letterhead, complete with notary seal. We fucked up and paid the price.

Throughout the next year, I was a stubborn fool, not caring about doing a show there... Bigheaded, but small actor... Fuck'em if they can't take a joke right? Eventually, the playhouse is auditioning for a show I really wanted to be in, "Damn Yankees." Alot of my friends were auditioning and would get parts; I wanted to join in the fun. A year or so had passed and I thought maybe things had cooled down. I was met at the auditions by the President of the Board asking me if I wrote my written apology. Darn it.

We talked about it and we agreed that I could audition but my being cast was dependant on the written apology. I ate a major crow sandwich, but learned a valuable lesson in professionalism. The moral is, kids, learn to act professional or you won't be acting for very long...