Wednesday, March 30, 2011

ML - Nice Guy

I feel like I must respond to this.

12 Reasons Women Can't Stand Nice Guys by Lucia

Please take a few minutes to read the article. Then, come back for my response.

All read up now?  I'm a nice guy who is happily married (meaning out of the dating scene, so who cares), so I'm not sure why I feel the need to respond to this dreck.  Perhaps, it's because I am a nice guy.  Perhaps, it's because I hope the women I know don't feel the same.  And really, if my lady friends feel the same as Lucia, man, I really need to rethink our friendship.

Anyway, I think I'll go point by point in rebuttal.

1.  NOT REAL.  Nice guys are about as real as it gets.  We fuck up relationships.  A lot.  Over stupid things.  A lot.  Since, we are mature nice guys, we are able to work past fucking thinks up in order to MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP BETTER and STRONGER.  Perhaps we don't want to "upset the apple cart" because... WE REALLY LOVE YOU and like the part of our relationship where we are real and nice together.  If you have a problem with that, perhaps it's not because I'm not real and nice, but you have trust issues.

2.  RESPECT.  I am not a doormat.  You do not get to walk all over my feelings.  I am a very generous person to the people I love because I love and respect them.  I am not controlled, but give of myself freely.  That generally garners all the respect that I need.

3.  PREDICTABLE.  Bad boys are just as predictable as this article claims nice guys are.  The difference is yourself.  What you think is predictable in Nice Guy Johnny, another (sane) woman finds mysterious or spontaneous.  You see, this is the basis of forming compatible relationships.  We discover what we like and don't like in people and finally end up in love with the perfect person... for US.

4.  MOTHER NATURE. Women are designed to nurture... Somehow this means that nice guys don't need to be nurtured.  I don't think it is a stretch to say that nice guys tend to be those sensitive fellows I hear women want.  Is there no challenge nurturing a sensitive, nice guy?  Really?  Really?

5.  FIXER-UPPER.  So, nice guys don't have issues?  Well, maybe compared to your (Lucia's) insanity spewed forth here they don't.  Though she hit the nail on the head with the talk about "if they are busy 'fixing' someone else, they don’t have to look at what needs to be fixed in their own lives."  Spot on.  And that's really the problem here.  It's not about nice guys vs bad boys, it's you have issues and are not mature enough to deal with them.

6.  SPERM WARS. Actually, I think I would prefer a future where bad boys weren't so revered.  Perhaps, if we as human beings stopped hooking up with bad boys, thereby perpetuating the possibility that more bad boys (it's in the genes, right?) would be born and raised, we could achieve so much more.  Perhaps, in the future we'd be better off with more nice guys around. 

7.  FEAR OF INTIMACY.  Sex does not equal intimacy. When I was in the dating world, the scariest thing in the world was reaching out to hold someone's hand.  With bad boys, sex equals intimacy and you are missing so much wonderfulness if you settling for sex = intimacy.

8.  LOW SELF-ESTEEM.  Again, you have issues.  Nice guys tend to help raise your self-esteem. Bad boys tear it down.  Is it really that difficult to choose?  Please seek help if it is. 

9.  SEX.  Um... nice guys only care about one thing in bed.  You.  And you are complaining about that? 

10.  HOT.  I suggest you watch COPS or America's Most Wanted.  Or the Dumbest Criminals Ever. 

11.  CHARM.  Yes, bad boys tell you want you want to hear.  Nice guys tell you what you need to hear and in a nice way.  Another way to put it is nice guys are honest with you. 

12.  PROTECTION.  I will say this once.  When I love you, you are protected.  I am not mean or violent but when you are in trouble, I will do whatever is necessary to protect you.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Quote for Life

I ran across this quote on the internet somewhere:

"There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with people who make you laugh so hard you forget the bad and focus solely on the good.  After all, life is too short to be anything but happy."
I don't know who came up with it.  But I'm stealing it.

The next time I cull my Facebook friends down, this will be the filter.  I have cut people out of my life due to their drama to the point that emails from them go straight to the deleted folder.  I keep their numbers in my phone so I know it is them calling and don't pick up.  I will not exist walking on eggshells around these people.  So, the only thing I can do is ignore them and cut them out.

I am a good friend.  I go out of my way to make my friends laugh.  I like to see them happy, even if that means going without for myself.  I don't mind picking up a tab for them.  The company is more important than lunch or a few extra beers on my tab.

But, do not take advantage of my friendship.  Do not take take take and not give.  Do not come to me expecting the stars and the moon, then get pissy when I can't deliver on your time table.

Unless I promised them to you... If I am your friend, you already know that I will deliver them if I promised them to you and on time to boot.

But there is a point where this stops being a friendship and starts being work.  When that point is reached, I really have to question whether or not the friendship is worth the effort.  I will give you everything I can without expectations.  Okay, one expectation - that you understand that our friendship is not about what you can get out of me.  It is about making each other happy in every sense of those words.

When you are down, I will pick you up.  When you need a nickel, I'll give you a dime and not expect you to return it.  When you want a beer, I'm coming over with a six pack.  When you need my assistance, I will make every effort I can to help to the best of my time and ability.  I am not at your beck and call, but I will give you all that I absolutely can.

Just understand that I really don't expect the same.  I guess that after 36 years of living I have learned to be disappointed by human nature enough to not expect the same from people. So, I don't really expect the same from you.   But, please understand I am genuinely hoping you prove me wrong.

And for the record, if you are reading this, there's a 95% chance you are one of the people who make me laugh so hard.  Thank you.

There's a 5% chance you just stumbled here, so I challenge you to be one of those who make me laugh.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Uncle ML

I don't expect this to be a big long post.  But, I think it is safe to say that I really enjoy being an uncle.  More so than becoming a new father.   To be clear, I love my (step-)son.  And I am not expecting to have any more kids and I am A-Okay with that.  I've come to grips with and am fine with not fathering a child.  Even though, I'm the last one that can carry on the surname, it doesn't seem like that is going to happen.  And, that is ok.

I am an uncle.

I am an uncle who doesn't get to see his nephew, nieces and god-children nearly often enough.  I'm lucky if I to see them once a year, if that.  But, I am blessed to know that they all love me.  They told me so at various points over this past week.  We went home for a week to visit and saw them all.  Cherished memories were made.