Man, I'm in a weird place right now. There's a lot of good in the air right now surrounding my life. Good stuff that I want to talk about, but can't because of various reasons. Mostly, I don't want to say anything until I am sure things are going to happen. I hate to say, "This is going to happen," and then it not happen. Though, my patience is starting on wear thin on a few things... But, if all of the goodness actually happens, well, life will indeed be good.
It's the not happening that I fear. And I guess that's where I'm at right now. I feel like want to simultanously jump for joy and curl up in a fetal position and cry. I'm feel like I'm being pulled in two directions by completely different forces.
Being a father sucks. No, it doesn't. But, it does suck when you get slapped in the face by seeing traits you hate about yourself in your child. It makes be realize that I haven't been the best role model. Truly, the best way a child learns "good" behavior is not from discipline, but from example. Meaning, if you want your kid to read more, you need to read more in front of them (this is not a personal example - though I do need to read more). If you want them to keep their room clean, you need to keep your room (and the rest of the house) clean. Leading by example is a far better tool than discipline. The caveat is, of course, they learn those "bad" behaviors from you, too.
I need to redouble my efforts with God. It's not that I'm not down with God and where He's leading me. I'm just finding it difficult to see His works in my daily life. That is not His fault, as I do have faith he is working in my life. I am just having trouble seeing it because I'm not doing my part of in seeking Him like I should be. I need to find time in my day to read the Bible and pray. I need to stop thinking I need to find the time because that's what I do more than not, and take some freaking action on it.
