Being Human

Sometimes you need a good cry.  I'm not talking about a deep depression, wailing like a banshee, curled up into a fetal position in the corner cry.  No, some times you just need a few tears to fall to make you feel human.

And there's nothing wrong with that.  There's nothing wrong with admitting a little bit of sadness into our hearts.  It reminds us we are human.  And, it also reminds us of the good times.

I wouldn't say that I know exactly when I need a good cry.  But, if I do, there are a few triggers that are sure to bring a few tears and cleanse my soul.  It's good to know these triggers because I don't want to forget that life is ups and downs.  Without the downs, you'll never get back up.

The movie, "Stand By Me," was on the telly earlier.  I first saw it when I was around the ages of the kids in the movie.  And look at them now.  The fat kid is a very buff Jerry O'Connell.  The weirdo buddy is, well, still the weirdo buddy in a lot of ways.  We're talking about Corey Feldman.  Wil Wheaton is an internet celebrity and deals quite well with his fame.  River Phoenix... is dead.

What strikes me about this movie over 25 years later is how it still gets me.  There I was flipping back and forth between that and UFC's Greatest 100 Fights.  "You guys want to see a dead body?" "Randy Couture is back!" "Sick balls, Chopper!" "The Iceman Cometh!" "Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy? "  "The Spider wins again!"  "The train had knocked Ray Brower out of his Keds the same way it had knocked the life out of his body."

I decide to leave the movie on until the finish.  The boys find the dead body, face off against the older gang, and head back home.  We find out Verne got married and has three kids.  Teddy is working odd jobs after a stint in jail.  Neither really surprising endings.

Gordie & Chris are talking before going home.  The poor white trash kid is afraid he'll never get out of Castle Rock.  And, joy of joys, we found out he does.  Chris ends up going to college and becoming a lawyer.  Then, the news comes - and is probably why the Writer writes this story - that Chris. ever the peacekeeper, was trying to break up a fight and was fatally stabbed.  River Phoenix fades from the shot.

And there it is.  It wasn't expecting it at all.  It just happened.  A soft, sticky sweet trail of saline falling down my cheek.  Again, I am reminded that I am human and smile.

I'm not sure why this moment is one that never fails to get me.  Maybe it's because I have long since drifted apart from the kids who were my friends around age 12.  Maybe it's the realization that we become very different people from when we are kids and can't remain friends.  Maybe it's because I want to go on my own journey to "see a dead body" (figuratively speaking; I really mean a life journey) with the friends I have today.  Maybe it's just really sad that Chris Chambers made it and was struck down by chance.

I guess it doesn't really matter why that moment gets me.  It's just nice knowing that I am human and there's nothing wrong with that.