Monday, July 15, 2002

I like cheeseball movies. Especially, if David Arquette is in them. I friggin' love David Arquette. Not like Courtney Cox does. Not like a stalker. The guy just cracks me up. So, I was quite happy to nab some passes to a sneaky peek at his new movie, Eight Legged Freaks. And, I'm quite happy to report that it was a great time at the theater.

Recognize that the movie is complete cheese. A B-Movie with a budget. But a blast! You can see how the town will survive an attack of 200 plus mutant spiders in the first 30 minutes. But, it doesn't really matter because it's a fun friggin' movie.

Wanna guess how some little spiders become the monsterous eight-legged freaks? Can you say "toxic waste in the water?" (I knew you could) Surprise right? Well, that' s basically it. The creepy, but nice, spider farm guy feeds his arachnids insects he captures at a pond in the Middle of Nowhere, AZ. The insects were exposed to toxic waste by a barrel falling of a passing truck. Soon, the spiders begin to grow at an enormous rate. Panic and screaming ensues.

Mr. Arquette comes back to town after leaving 10 years ago. Turns out, he left because he beat up the husband of the girl he loved. She's (Kari Wuhrer) now the sheriff. He's back in this mining town because his father died and has inherited the mines he's father was...uh...mining. Something about his father finding gold, but no one would believe him. So, Arquette wants to continue mining to salvage his pap's name and save the town from becoming deserted. And he's also back to say he was sorry for kicking the sheriff's husband's booty and say that he loves her. Throughout the movie (Spolier! -- but do you care??), he tries to tell her all of that, but spider action keeps interupting his precious moment of love emotion. Until he might not make it out the mines alive and she totally spoils his moment but telling him everything he was going to tell her, including "that you love me." What a great scene! The build-up! Making the audience want this schlub to have his moment of redemption and love, only to deflate it because she already knows!

In my opinion, the shining star isn't David Arquette, however. It's Rick Overton as the Deputy. His character is the comic relief. Some of the humor is subtle, like when he's wading the the toxic-sludge pond to get the toxic barrel out of it. At the end, he takes his hat off to show that his hair is growing back...

The spiders were ultra-nasty. The CGI was done very well. You literally cringe whenever a 10 foot tall jumper springs on someone. And I've never seen so much sticky webbing and I hope I never do again. The tarantulas...Oh my God! Fear them!

If you thought Arachnophobia was a great spider action flick, then you're gonna love this. The action in Eight Legged Freaks leaves you exausted from the adrenaline rush. Just remember that it is cheese and the cheese stands alone. As I recall, this movie opens on Wednesday. Have Fun!

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