Sunday, February 26, 2006

Never Ending Story

Just so you know, he's not gay. And, from the relatively brief conversation we had, it sounds like the same old guy - always looking for some tail. After playing phone tag for a few days, my friend from high school and I finally talked. I was a little awkward, not knowing if I was ready to deal with pain from the past. But, I realize now I should thank God for the opportunity to deal with and heal any pain. Running away and hiding only works for so long, you know. So, yeah, we exchanged emails and I'm actually looking forward to getting to reconnect.

God works in some funny ways. My friend was talking about going to Kuwait for work. Something I couldn't explain dealing with computers. But, maybe this is an opportunity to reach out to a non-believer (assuming he is a non-believer, sounds like he could be). So, while it might be difficult for me to deal with my stupid emotions, if that's a side effect of expanding God's kingdom, then, so be it.

So, I imagine I could be posting about this alot. Which could be bad. I mean, that last post was probably the most honest (read: unflattering to me) post I have ever made. But, then again, it's only the beginning of the story. And every story has to begin somewhere, it has to have some drama for there to be a story. And most importantly, the drama in the story should lead to change in the characters'... um... character.

One thing I take pride in with my blog is being completely honest about my thoughts and feelings. When I put myself in a negative light, then, I think it builds my integrity. Yes, I might sound like an asshole to some, but the whole point of this blog goes down the toliet if you, the reader, cannot take everything I post as 100% real and true. So, when I show my ugly side, it only makes the beautiful parts that much prettier. Like when I talk about how much God has done for me.

When I started this blog four years ago, I didn't really know why or what for. I guess I just wanted to put my opinions on the internet. Why? I don't know, maybe it's ego. But, as I'm learning, God has plans for everything. And, now, I think perhaps the reason I started blogging was to prepare me for his future plans. Now, this blog has become about the life of a Christian trying to walk in Jesus's footsteps. I'm not a preacher and I'm not perfect. I am tempted by sin and I do give in. Thankfully, God forgives me and I try harder the next time temptation rings my bell. Maybe someone will read this someday and realize how empty their life is and turn to Christ for help.

Anyone in the world can access this site, people who know me, people who have never met me. They all have access to my archives and I'd like to think that they can see how God is transforming my life. I have probably lost a few friends who don't understand true, real Christianity. Then again, if a lost soul or two stumble across this site (and I have no doubt God has or will bring them here), maybe my spiritual journey will spark a flame in them that has yet to be ignited or was previously extinguished. That's why I'm doing this - ugly and all. I'm writing about my experiences so the world knows that God is responsible for the wonderful changes in my life. I could not and cannot do them myself. This blog is my way of expressing the hope that God gives me, and hopefully, the love I experience works on the hearts of whoever reads about it. And, the story never ends... (until, maybe, when I die, but we're not gonna talk about that. It's just gonna happen one day and then, maybe, I'll be leaving a "legacy")

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