Wednesday, June 28, 2006


I swear this is what I heard some commercial say today on the radio: "Condoms were originally invented to hide the bad taste of some foods." The commercial was for something on the Food Network, I think, and it mentioned all kinds of food related trivia and tidbits. I wasn't really listening, but I swear that is what I heard.

So, in my head, I thinking... "Really? Someone invented a latex sleeve to fit over your tongue so you don't taste bad food? That's where condoms come from?" Like, I imagined some King somewhere cutting into a filet, sticking his fork in the morsel and putting the bite in his mouth. He would wince at the taste and thought to himself, "if only I didn't have to taste this rubbish. Ah, I know, I'll put my tongue in a rubber sleeve and then I won't taste it at all."

He has his royal inventors make the thing. And to keep it sanitary, they would be disposable. They'd sit in a box next to the salt and the pepper. When he takes a bite, if he doesn't like the taste, he could rip open a condom, roll it on his tongue and still get his nurishment without all the nasty taste. Heck, after a while, he could have special ones made that taste like mint or banana or what have you so they didn't taste like latex. Even have a special tip on the end to collect saliva.

Wow, what an idea that king had! Kids could put a condom on and parents wouldn't have to worry about them not eating. Wives who can't cook wouldn't have to worry about their husbands nagging them about a bad meal. Just give'em a condom. Think of all the marriages that could be saved. Think of all the brusselsprouts kids would eat!

All of that I had going on in my head. It was a very, "Really? I did not know that. Wonder when some schmoe put one on his willy?" moment. Then, I realized the announcer said, "condiments." *Slaps forehead* OOOOHhhhh.... Like ketchup, mustard and arby's sauce.

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