Tuesday, May 25, 2004

On Death and Dying: Goodbye Mama

Perhaps the recent passing of my Mama (my mother's mother) is effecting me more than I thought it would as I have completely devoured a 5.3 oz bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups under 6 hours. That's about 30 peanut butter cups, folks.

Spiritually, I'm fine. Dealing with her passing, I'm fine. We've known for a while to be prepared for her eventual passing. And knowing that I probably would never see her again after moving, I've sorta "pre-grieved." She's definitely in a happier place now. While, I personally may have a few issues with my religious beliefs about death and what happens when we die, knowing how strongly Mama believed in God and Jesus, I am quite sure she is with them in her heaven.

I am unable to go to the funeral due to, well, bad timing. The funeral is on Thursday, but unfortunately, the movers come on Friday. And with all that's left to do before the movers arrive, there's just no humanly way possible for me to be there. I would like to have been able to be there for my mother (and the rest of the family), though. But, they all understand my situation. Three days later, and I could have easily been there.

But, in my own selfish way, maybe it's better for me not to be there for the burial. I can mourn on my own time and my own way. Seeing a dead body in a coffin or just knowing they're inside a close coffin is just not a good way for me to deal. But, that's just me. Feel free to grieve, just don't judge me when I don't do it your way.

I can only remember going to one funeral before. A college professor, but I wasn't really close to him. I was going more for my friends who were very close to him. Mama is different. She's the first person I love to die. And, you know, I'm really ok with her passing. Like I said, she's a bajillion times happier right now.

No, I'm not going to do a sappy memorial post. In all honestly, while I loved her and she loved me (and all her family), I'm not the best person to eulogize her life. If you knew her, then you know she's in heaven smiling down on us.

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