Friday, January 28, 2005

I'm not THAT big...

Perhaps, you've seen a recent Citibank commerical. It starts of with a big, kinda goofy-looking black guy in sweats at a gym weighing himself. The scale shows him to be 249lbs. He then gets off the scale, puts his headphones on and starts jogging. He makes one small, little lap around the exercise gear and steps back on the scale. It still reads 249lbs. Cue the annoucer who says something like "Expect faster rewards with Citibank New Humdinger Fancy-Pants Fast Rewards Debit Card." I'm paraphrasing... Have you seen this commercial? I bet you have.

That is a great commercial. The ad agency who put this campaign together did a really great job with it. Except for one thing. You'd hardly even notice. And to get this, you will have to see the commercial.

What's my problem with this commercial? There is NO FUCKING WAY IN HELL THAT GUY WEIGHS 249lbs! I weight *ahem* slightly more than that and I am NOT that big! Several of my male friends are around that weight and are NOT that big! There is no way that cat is under 300lbs and that is being quite generous.

Women have put up with society and Cosmo telling them what "thin" and "beauty" are for ages. Is it finally becoming men's turn to feel fat? Of course, men know they're fat, so maybe not. But, still, my fragile ego has been dealt a blow.

It's nothing but low-carb fluids, tae-bo and bikram yoga for me now. I can't let the world see my hideous dome of cellulite formed by buffalo wings, burger, Chinese buffets and beer (The Four Food Groups, by the way)... No, I'm too ashamed... Where's that damn website that shows you how to live anorexically?

Thank you, Citibank and your ad agency, for making countless Big Men feel really small...

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