Monday, March 14, 2005

Again with the Baptism...

Well, my pastor and I talked again about the possibility of me being baptized again. They are planning another baptism at the Easter service. And I have to say that I really feel like this is something I want to do. I see my act of baptism as a symbolic gesture rededicating my life to following God and JC.

What's turning me off about the whole ordeal is the actual dunking and submerging in water. I really dislike the sensation of having my ears and eyes underwater. And I'm extremely uncomfortable doing this in front of nearly total strangers for introverted reasons. That's extrememly petty, don't you think? To deny myself the joy of accepting Christ because I was a widdle too scared to pway in da wada.

Then, during yesterday's service, I felt like I had the courage do go through with it. God and I were talking during the service and I felt the courage needed to get up in front of people I'm unfamiliar with and declare my love for God and Jesus. I felt that I could go through with it. I mean, if God is telling me to take the Nestea plunge, that should be all I need to do it. Screw the people in the audience, right? It isn't about them. It's about me, right?

I was completely gun-ho and ready to tell Daron I was going to do through with it. I wanted to be baptized. Then, I called home to talk with my folks about it. It was a brief conversation. And, now I'm no so sure. All my mother had to say about it was that I had already been baptized. She thought I should read the Catholic Cathecism and asked "What about your Catholic Heritage?" I get her point, I think. To her, perhaps my baptism is rejecting everything her family has believed. That is kind of a slap in the face to them, isn't it?

Today, I don't have an answer. I don't know if I'm going to do it. But the guilt I am feeling after calling home... well, isn't that part of the reason why I don't like Catholicism?

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