Man, I'm in a weird place right now. There's a lot of good in the air right now surrounding my life. Good stuff that I want to talk about, but can't because of various reasons. Mostly, I don't want to say anything until I am sure things are going to happen. I hate to say, "This is going to happen," and then it not happen. Though, my patience is starting on wear thin on a few things... But, if all of the goodness actually happens, well, life will indeed be good.
It's the not happening that I fear. And I guess that's where I'm at right now. I feel like want to simultanously jump for joy and curl up in a fetal position and cry. I'm feel like I'm being pulled in two directions by completely different forces.
Being a father sucks. No, it doesn't. But, it does suck when you get slapped in the face by seeing traits you hate about yourself in your child. It makes be realize that I haven't been the best role model. Truly, the best way a child learns "good" behavior is not from discipline, but from example. Meaning, if you want your kid to read more, you need to read more in front of them (this is not a personal example - though I do need to read more). If you want them to keep their room clean, you need to keep your room (and the rest of the house) clean. Leading by example is a far better tool than discipline. The caveat is, of course, they learn those "bad" behaviors from you, too.
I need to redouble my efforts with God. It's not that I'm not down with God and where He's leading me. I'm just finding it difficult to see His works in my daily life. That is not His fault, as I do have faith he is working in my life. I am just having trouble seeing it because I'm not doing my part of in seeking Him like I should be. I need to find time in my day to read the Bible and pray. I need to stop thinking I need to find the time because that's what I do more than not, and take some freaking action on it.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Letters
I started reading the book of Philippians the other day. I’ve only gotten into the first chapter, so I can’t really comment on the material yet. But, that first chapter did stir a thought inside of me.
First, you have to realize that Philippians is a letter Paul sent to the congregation at one of his favorite church plants. He wrote the letter while under arrest in Rome for being Christian. The Philippian Church raised money for his defense. He was writing to thank them for their support and to encourage them to remain strong in their faith.
That’s all well and good, but the thought I had focused on the letter aspect of this book. In fact, several books of the Bible are letters written by Paul and other apostles to the faithful at various churches. What do I mean by “the letter aspect?” I simply mean to point out the language used in the introductional chapters.
When (considering today’s email society, it’s more IF than when) we write a letter, it usually goes something like this:
So, looking back at Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and reading how it starts off… Well, can you imagine how you’d feel getting a letter in the mail that starts off in such a manner:
This was my thought. Imagine the joy we could bring to the world if we just send one letter a month to someone we know. First, who doesn't like getting a letter in the mail. Second, sending a letter means you took time out of your schedule in order to relate to another human being. Furthermore, that human being knows it. That right there speaks volumes to someone. Now, what if that person was suffering? How much could that letter mean to them? The power of feeling cared about and loved goes a long, long way.
I do not want to sit here and promise to start mailing people one a month. I know that I am human and something will happen that will prevent me from doing it (whether it be some tragedy or my own procrastination, or something else). But, I truly do hope that I can get into the habit. Let me restate that another way... I hope that I can prove to myself that I am not so shallow as not to care.
First, you have to realize that Philippians is a letter Paul sent to the congregation at one of his favorite church plants. He wrote the letter while under arrest in Rome for being Christian. The Philippian Church raised money for his defense. He was writing to thank them for their support and to encourage them to remain strong in their faith.
That’s all well and good, but the thought I had focused on the letter aspect of this book. In fact, several books of the Bible are letters written by Paul and other apostles to the faithful at various churches. What do I mean by “the letter aspect?” I simply mean to point out the language used in the introductional chapters.
When (considering today’s email society, it’s more IF than when) we write a letter, it usually goes something like this:
Dear Soandso,OK, that’s a very generic letter. But, to be honest, it has been so long since I wrote an actual letter to someone, and even longer since I received one, I can’t imagine there’s much more to them these days. Sure, there’s the family year-in-review letters that are jam-packed with tons of info about a family. And, it’s nice to get them and know what’s going on. But, what does it say about us – both the person and society – that we don’t write personal letters anymore? I mean email is great for its instant transmission. But, if you write the exact same thing on a piece of paper and mail it out, somehow it means more.
How are you? I am fine. This is what has been going on in my life. Someone you know says to tell you hi. Hope this finds you well.
Sincerely,
Me.
So, looking back at Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and reading how it starts off… Well, can you imagine how you’d feel getting a letter in the mail that starts off in such a manner:
2Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.What would your reaction be if you got a letter in the mail that started half as elegantly? (Click on the comments to answer for yourself)
7It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. 8God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
This was my thought. Imagine the joy we could bring to the world if we just send one letter a month to someone we know. First, who doesn't like getting a letter in the mail. Second, sending a letter means you took time out of your schedule in order to relate to another human being. Furthermore, that human being knows it. That right there speaks volumes to someone. Now, what if that person was suffering? How much could that letter mean to them? The power of feeling cared about and loved goes a long, long way.
I do not want to sit here and promise to start mailing people one a month. I know that I am human and something will happen that will prevent me from doing it (whether it be some tragedy or my own procrastination, or something else). But, I truly do hope that I can get into the habit. Let me restate that another way... I hope that I can prove to myself that I am not so shallow as not to care.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
UR not my dad
I've been waiting for it for 10 years now. And, it finally happened last night. I got the, "I don't have to listen to you. You're not my real dad." line. I am thankful that I had 10 years to prepare for that. I simply calmly responded, "Son, I might not be your 'dad' but I am one of your parents and the other parent agrees." That ended the trouble.
The kid's 14, and at that age were he knows everything, won't do anything, doesn't want his parents around, and hates the world - you know, a teenager. I was just like that (OMG... I just realized that was 20 years ago *shudder*). So, we just shrug off a lot of his angst because we know he doesn't really mean stuff like that.
Case in point. Last night, he also said, "Well, I'm just gonna leave and not come back," in anger. I just looked at him with an expression of, "Yeah... I'm not believing that." And he said, "Ok, I'm not really gonna do that." He was just angry at the situation he found himself in.
And what was that situation? Ah, well, he was grounded. And, he knew he was going to be grounded. You see, last weekend, he wanted a friend to sleep over. As is the rule of the house, he can have a friend sleep over if his room is clean. It's a rare occasion that someone sleeps over because when he is reminded of that rule, he takes the lazy way out and decides he'd rather not clean his room. I'm sure he told his friend the reason the sleepover wasn't going to happen was, "My dad said, 'no,'" and not the whole truth "...because my room's not clean."
Anyway, so later that day he asks if he and his friend can sleep over at someone else's house that same night. I don't think it's fair for him have a sleepover somewhere else when he was asking about a sleepover here. So, I said for him to get his room clean... which strangely enough he began with reckless abandon. He didn't finish, though, when it came time for them to leave. It was a good start on cleaning, but he had a long way to go, and I was holding firm on the room being clean. I'm such a horrible parent, no doubt...
So, a few minutes later, he wants to make a deal with me. My first thought is, No, because we've made numerous deals before and he hasn't lived up to his end of the deal. For example, over the summer, the opportunity to sleep over at a friend's house arose and he had to go right then. "Your room's not clean." "I'll make a deal with you." And, so he was to clean his room that weekend after the sleep over... Never got done and that's our bad for not following through with discipline. And that's something that is not going to happen again.
In the end, we strike a deal where he can sleep over that night (a Sunday with no school the next day) and he has until Friday at 9pm to clean and organize his room. If that feat was not accomplished, he was going to be grounded until his room was done, losing all TV privileges, all computer privileges, all Xbox360 privileges, all DVD watching privileges, all iPod privileges, and all going over to people's houses privileges. Yesterday was reckoning day.
Needless to say, he was grounded and none to pleased about it. But, he needs to learn the lesson of holding up his end of a deal and his responsibilities. In anger, he said what he said. And in anger, this morning, I'm sure he'll refuse to go work on him room. If he keeps that up, I will warn him that his cell phone will be confiscated after a certain time.
He needs to learn that in the real world there are consequences. He needs to learn that you can't just blow off your end of a bargain. That is what I am trying to teach him. As painful as, "You're not my dad, " can be, as difficult as being a parent to a hormonal teenager can be, I'm trying to keep two thoughts in mind:
These two Proverbs keep me strong. They help remind me that his words are said in anger, not what he really believes. They keep me focused on the results that won't come for 10 or 15 years.
He's a good kid. He's just a teenage one right now. He actually reminds me of me when I was that age. I think he'll be fine.
Update: (10:30am) This morning, he woke up and found me. He said, "Do you want to make some bacon with me?" But, the underlying tone and subtext was, "I'm sorry for what I said last night." We didn't have any bacon, though. Then, he said, "Well, I need to finish cleaning my room." I just smiled.
Update 2 (10:00pm): His room is clean. He took a long nap at one point. But, it's clean. :)
The kid's 14, and at that age were he knows everything, won't do anything, doesn't want his parents around, and hates the world - you know, a teenager. I was just like that (OMG... I just realized that was 20 years ago *shudder*). So, we just shrug off a lot of his angst because we know he doesn't really mean stuff like that.
Case in point. Last night, he also said, "Well, I'm just gonna leave and not come back," in anger. I just looked at him with an expression of, "Yeah... I'm not believing that." And he said, "Ok, I'm not really gonna do that." He was just angry at the situation he found himself in.
And what was that situation? Ah, well, he was grounded. And, he knew he was going to be grounded. You see, last weekend, he wanted a friend to sleep over. As is the rule of the house, he can have a friend sleep over if his room is clean. It's a rare occasion that someone sleeps over because when he is reminded of that rule, he takes the lazy way out and decides he'd rather not clean his room. I'm sure he told his friend the reason the sleepover wasn't going to happen was, "My dad said, 'no,'" and not the whole truth "...because my room's not clean."
Anyway, so later that day he asks if he and his friend can sleep over at someone else's house that same night. I don't think it's fair for him have a sleepover somewhere else when he was asking about a sleepover here. So, I said for him to get his room clean... which strangely enough he began with reckless abandon. He didn't finish, though, when it came time for them to leave. It was a good start on cleaning, but he had a long way to go, and I was holding firm on the room being clean. I'm such a horrible parent, no doubt...
So, a few minutes later, he wants to make a deal with me. My first thought is, No, because we've made numerous deals before and he hasn't lived up to his end of the deal. For example, over the summer, the opportunity to sleep over at a friend's house arose and he had to go right then. "Your room's not clean." "I'll make a deal with you." And, so he was to clean his room that weekend after the sleep over... Never got done and that's our bad for not following through with discipline. And that's something that is not going to happen again.
In the end, we strike a deal where he can sleep over that night (a Sunday with no school the next day) and he has until Friday at 9pm to clean and organize his room. If that feat was not accomplished, he was going to be grounded until his room was done, losing all TV privileges, all computer privileges, all Xbox360 privileges, all DVD watching privileges, all iPod privileges, and all going over to people's houses privileges. Yesterday was reckoning day.
Needless to say, he was grounded and none to pleased about it. But, he needs to learn the lesson of holding up his end of a deal and his responsibilities. In anger, he said what he said. And in anger, this morning, I'm sure he'll refuse to go work on him room. If he keeps that up, I will warn him that his cell phone will be confiscated after a certain time.
He needs to learn that in the real world there are consequences. He needs to learn that you can't just blow off your end of a bargain. That is what I am trying to teach him. As painful as, "You're not my dad, " can be, as difficult as being a parent to a hormonal teenager can be, I'm trying to keep two thoughts in mind:
Proverbs 19:18, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death."
Proverbs 22:7, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old his will not turn from it."
These two Proverbs keep me strong. They help remind me that his words are said in anger, not what he really believes. They keep me focused on the results that won't come for 10 or 15 years.
He's a good kid. He's just a teenage one right now. He actually reminds me of me when I was that age. I think he'll be fine.
Update: (10:30am) This morning, he woke up and found me. He said, "Do you want to make some bacon with me?" But, the underlying tone and subtext was, "I'm sorry for what I said last night." We didn't have any bacon, though. Then, he said, "Well, I need to finish cleaning my room." I just smiled.
Update 2 (10:00pm): His room is clean. He took a long nap at one point. But, it's clean. :)
Monday, January 14, 2008
The end is nigh...
I tried to resist. I fought it hard. I did everything in my power. Alas, I have been defeated... I have been overcome by Degrassi High.
My wife grew up watching Degrassi High, being raised in Montana not too far from the US/Canadian border. When she discovered our library had VHS copies of the original Degrassi Jr & High School, she got our son addicted to the show. From her description, it sounded like a Canadian version of the After School specials in episode form. To say it didn't interest me would be a vast understatement.
But, what happened? I'll tell you what happened. We got cable... well, AT&T Uverse. The 400 Channel promotional package. 400 channels free for the first month. One of those channels is something called "The-N." For the past week, they have been having a Degrassi: The Next Generation Marathon leading up to the new season premiere.
On Saturday, my son asked me to watch Degrassi with him. I immediately flipped through my mental rolodex to find a good reason not to watch it. But, I thought that sitting with my son, ney, bonding with my son would be worth the torture of watching Degrassi.
So, good ol' dad started watching the damn show. And wouldn't you know it, I spent the entire freaking weekend catching up. Jimmy got shot; Craig's a cokehead; Alex is lesbo; Spinner's got nut cancer, and JT's dead. I hate Peter because he's a maniputive little twit. Emma's getting on my nerves because she's being an idiot about Shawn enlisting in the Army. Paige has a piggy face. Yet, some how I care about these silly Canadian kids whose lives are in some kind of constant turmoil. How the heck will any of these kids turn out "normal?" It must be that they're Canadian.
While watching this marathon, I realized that I... am... Snake... through and through... and my wife is Spike...
But that's not the worst part! No! Guess what marathon The N was adversting the entire weekend?!?
Saved By the Bell. That's right. Zach Morris. AC Slater. Jessie Spano. Screech. They promoted it as "Embrace the Cheese." And cheese it is. Yet, right now Lisa is turning Screech down yet again. Secretly, Zach Morris was my idol...
Of course you know, the end is near. Pray for me and this cable affliction.
My wife grew up watching Degrassi High, being raised in Montana not too far from the US/Canadian border. When she discovered our library had VHS copies of the original Degrassi Jr & High School, she got our son addicted to the show. From her description, it sounded like a Canadian version of the After School specials in episode form. To say it didn't interest me would be a vast understatement.
But, what happened? I'll tell you what happened. We got cable... well, AT&T Uverse. The 400 Channel promotional package. 400 channels free for the first month. One of those channels is something called "The-N." For the past week, they have been having a Degrassi: The Next Generation Marathon leading up to the new season premiere.
On Saturday, my son asked me to watch Degrassi with him. I immediately flipped through my mental rolodex to find a good reason not to watch it. But, I thought that sitting with my son, ney, bonding with my son would be worth the torture of watching Degrassi.
So, good ol' dad started watching the damn show. And wouldn't you know it, I spent the entire freaking weekend catching up. Jimmy got shot; Craig's a cokehead; Alex is lesbo; Spinner's got nut cancer, and JT's dead. I hate Peter because he's a maniputive little twit. Emma's getting on my nerves because she's being an idiot about Shawn enlisting in the Army. Paige has a piggy face. Yet, some how I care about these silly Canadian kids whose lives are in some kind of constant turmoil. How the heck will any of these kids turn out "normal?" It must be that they're Canadian.
While watching this marathon, I realized that I... am... Snake... through and through... and my wife is Spike...
But that's not the worst part! No! Guess what marathon The N was adversting the entire weekend?!?
Saved By the Bell. That's right. Zach Morris. AC Slater. Jessie Spano. Screech. They promoted it as "Embrace the Cheese." And cheese it is. Yet, right now Lisa is turning Screech down yet again. Secretly, Zach Morris was my idol...
Of course you know, the end is near. Pray for me and this cable affliction.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Mythbusted
We signed up for AT&T Uverse. That's ATT&T version of cable. So, we have cable now. Woo Hoo. We now have too many choices of channels to watch and end up wasting what time we have to watch tv just flipping channels.
At the very least, the geek in me gets to watch Mythbusters. I freaking love that show. And as much as I am crushing on Carrie, I have found a little *ahem** nugget that makes me love her more...
Here, the Mythbusters attempt to prove, "Do Pretty Girls Fart?"
At the very least, the geek in me gets to watch Mythbusters. I freaking love that show. And as much as I am crushing on Carrie, I have found a little *ahem** nugget that makes me love her more...
Here, the Mythbusters attempt to prove, "Do Pretty Girls Fart?"
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