I feel violated.
And, it's partly my fault.
When I got home today and checked the mail, there was a note in the mailbox. It was printed out on white paper. It was folded up in half and then in half again. It opened, "From the ********** Neighborhood Association:" (I'm leaving the neighborhood out). Right there, I got a little nervous.
The note went on to say, and I'm paraphrasing, that my lawn was disgusting and that I needed to take care of it. That my lawn was driving down the property values. That if I didn't want to take care of my lawn, I should move.
Yes, I have a dandelion problem. Part of my front lawn is more dandelion than grass. Weeds happen. And, it's true, the dandelions were tall and plenty. It's nice to know that someone is paying attention to us.
Though, I guess they didn't notice the grass was cut last weekend. I guess they didn't notice the rain on Friday and Sunday. I guess they didn't notice me spraying dandelion weed killer on Saturday. I guess they didn't notice my son cutting the grass on Saturday and running out of gas while my wife and I were away. I guess they didn't notice my wife has not been home for nearly a month. She's been waking up to go to work until 5pm then heading to the high school to work on costumes until Midnight. In the last week, she was there until 4am. But, I guess they didn't notice that.
I guess they are so absorbed with my lawn that they neglected to notice all that. Not to mention the other lawns in the neighborhood that have dandelion problems. I guess they didn't notice that because of my wife's hard work, that I've basically been a single dad for a month. I imagine they didn't notice their dogs crossing the street and pooping in my yard (that's not to say the people across the street left the note; their dogs crossing the invisible fence and the street to poop on my lawn is something I notice). I guess they don't notice that when *I* walk our dog, I carry a baggy with me and pick up after him - ON MY OWN LAWN! Nevermind that the neighborhood dog's seem to think my lawn is the place to poop on.
Friends, I feel violated.
For what it's worth, the lawn is completely cut now. We've had time to finish it (since it's not raining).
Well, the note still bothered me. I brought it to my neighbor since he's on the Homeowner Association Board. He is the neighbor who cuts his grass every other day. Yeah. Every other day. Believe it or not, I do respect that. It's not what I want to be, but it works for him.
I showed him the note and he agreed that it's not from the Homeowners. It's not on any kind of letterhead or even signed by anyone. It would be one thing to get an "official" letter from the Homeowner's Association. That would be embarrassing. But, it's very obviously not. It's very obviously someone in the neighborhood. And, that's what is especially bothersome.
This, however, is not embarrassing. It's creepy. And the worst part of it is that whoever left us that note now thinks we can be intimidated. After all, the grass was cut the same day. Worse yet, now that my wife is done with the show, we have time to weed the strawberry garden by the door. And, I have had plans to buy a weed-whacker with our economic stimulus money. I had already bought a hedge trimmer with some Christmas money. The fact of the matter is we have been on the verge of yard work beyond just mowing. Just needed the time.
But, now that we have time, this neighbor is going to think it's all because they left me a note. And, that's the saddest part of all. That's the part that makes me want to let my lawn turn to complete shit.
But, I won't.
If there's a lesson to be learned from this, perhaps it's the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Luke 10:25-37 In this passage, Jesus asked what must we do to inherit eternal life? He responds basically, "Love God with your all," and "Love your neighbor as yourself." I'm not making the obvious point. The next words to Jesus are, "But, who is my neighbor?" and Jesus responds with the Parable of the Good Samaritan. In the end, the neighbor is the person who had mercy on a man who was robbed. But, it's the last 4 words that have the most meaning,: "Go and do likewise."
I read that passage and I realize I haven't been a good neighbor. I'm not referring to my lawn aesthetics. I mean, we've been here for two years and we don't really know anyone. We've had a few conversations with the lawn guy, mostly about our dogs. We don't see our other neighbor much. We like her though. She's an artist and from Russia. But, that's about the gist of it. I couldn't tell you the names of the people in the cul-de-sac across the street.
And there is probably the root of all problem. Whoever left us this note doesn't know us. Granted, no one has made a real effort either way. Still, I can't help but feel that we could have done more and could do more to be... neighbors... and learn to care for the people here.
UPDATE (5/14/08): We found out yesterday that we weren't the only house hit. Our Russian neighor came over and told us she had gotten the same letter. The worst part for them is her son got the mail that day. He gave the note to his mom and said, "I think we have hate mail." Poor kid. The President of the Homeowner's Association also called to assure us that the note was not from them and there were several houses that got the same note. It's at least nice to know we weren't the only target. But, that several homes got this note means there's the neighborhood has worse problems than our lawns.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Thoughts on Barack
I voted for Obama in today's primary.
A bit odd because I have been leaning toward Huckabee strictly because of the Fair Tax. When he ended up bowing out, I figured I would see survey the situation when the Indiana Primary rolled around. That was today. Hillary vs Barack...
I don't think I could vote for Hillary for any reason. Perhaps, if she supported the Fair Tax, but I don't think I could trust her support. I really don't want her to be President and if she's doesn't win the primary, all the better. But, I wanted my vote to mean more than just voting for the other guy. I mean, I still wanted to make a good decision based on my beliefs, morals and what I think is good for the country. Not just pull the lever on the person I dislike the least. This is something that has weighed on me for a while.
My biggest issues in this race are taxes and the economy. On the first issue, I will vote for who ever is down with the Fair Tax. Obama has not come out either way on the issue and last I saw was "still studying it." Let me tell you, if he gets the nomination and promises to pass the Fair Tax, McCain will lose.
The ecomony is in rough shape, but I don't think it's the gloom and doom that's been reported. Sure, gas prices and food prices are rising, but that has a lot to do with China and India's growning consumption, too. Actually, I think passing the Fair Tax would do wonders for the economy. But I digress, this is about Obama.
The thing that appeals to me the most about Barack Obama is that I feel he will talk to me like an adult on tough issues. I feel that he will listen to both the right and the left, and despite his way-left leanings, will make the best decision based on input from both sides of the isle... without getting in to a screaming match. That's what I hate about the political climate today. The divisiveness is not going to get us anywhere.
There are issues that are not black or white (or left and right or red and blue). There are ways to deal with those grey issues without insulting someone who thinks differently.
And, that's what most appeals to me about Obama. I can see him reaching across the aisle and says, "Yes, that's a great idea from the right." Conversely, I can see him saying, "I think that's good idea, person on the left." And, those decisions would be made after listening to all sides of the issue and making the best decision for the country.
I don't get that with any of the other candidates.
And, that is what I'm looking for in politics - Intellegent discussion and from that intellegent answers and solutions. Obama is easily the best bet to bring that around.
That is a change I would be quite welcome to see.
A bit odd because I have been leaning toward Huckabee strictly because of the Fair Tax. When he ended up bowing out, I figured I would see survey the situation when the Indiana Primary rolled around. That was today. Hillary vs Barack...
I don't think I could vote for Hillary for any reason. Perhaps, if she supported the Fair Tax, but I don't think I could trust her support. I really don't want her to be President and if she's doesn't win the primary, all the better. But, I wanted my vote to mean more than just voting for the other guy. I mean, I still wanted to make a good decision based on my beliefs, morals and what I think is good for the country. Not just pull the lever on the person I dislike the least. This is something that has weighed on me for a while.
My biggest issues in this race are taxes and the economy. On the first issue, I will vote for who ever is down with the Fair Tax. Obama has not come out either way on the issue and last I saw was "still studying it." Let me tell you, if he gets the nomination and promises to pass the Fair Tax, McCain will lose.
The ecomony is in rough shape, but I don't think it's the gloom and doom that's been reported. Sure, gas prices and food prices are rising, but that has a lot to do with China and India's growning consumption, too. Actually, I think passing the Fair Tax would do wonders for the economy. But I digress, this is about Obama.
The thing that appeals to me the most about Barack Obama is that I feel he will talk to me like an adult on tough issues. I feel that he will listen to both the right and the left, and despite his way-left leanings, will make the best decision based on input from both sides of the isle... without getting in to a screaming match. That's what I hate about the political climate today. The divisiveness is not going to get us anywhere.
There are issues that are not black or white (or left and right or red and blue). There are ways to deal with those grey issues without insulting someone who thinks differently.
And, that's what most appeals to me about Obama. I can see him reaching across the aisle and says, "Yes, that's a great idea from the right." Conversely, I can see him saying, "I think that's good idea, person on the left." And, those decisions would be made after listening to all sides of the issue and making the best decision for the country.
I don't get that with any of the other candidates.
And, that is what I'm looking for in politics - Intellegent discussion and from that intellegent answers and solutions. Obama is easily the best bet to bring that around.
That is a change I would be quite welcome to see.
Monday, April 07, 2008
This is random
Man, I'm in a weird place right now. There's a lot of good in the air right now surrounding my life. Good stuff that I want to talk about, but can't because of various reasons. Mostly, I don't want to say anything until I am sure things are going to happen. I hate to say, "This is going to happen," and then it not happen. Though, my patience is starting on wear thin on a few things... But, if all of the goodness actually happens, well, life will indeed be good.
It's the not happening that I fear. And I guess that's where I'm at right now. I feel like want to simultanously jump for joy and curl up in a fetal position and cry. I'm feel like I'm being pulled in two directions by completely different forces.
Being a father sucks. No, it doesn't. But, it does suck when you get slapped in the face by seeing traits you hate about yourself in your child. It makes be realize that I haven't been the best role model. Truly, the best way a child learns "good" behavior is not from discipline, but from example. Meaning, if you want your kid to read more, you need to read more in front of them (this is not a personal example - though I do need to read more). If you want them to keep their room clean, you need to keep your room (and the rest of the house) clean. Leading by example is a far better tool than discipline. The caveat is, of course, they learn those "bad" behaviors from you, too.
I need to redouble my efforts with God. It's not that I'm not down with God and where He's leading me. I'm just finding it difficult to see His works in my daily life. That is not His fault, as I do have faith he is working in my life. I am just having trouble seeing it because I'm not doing my part of in seeking Him like I should be. I need to find time in my day to read the Bible and pray. I need to stop thinking I need to find the time because that's what I do more than not, and take some freaking action on it.
It's the not happening that I fear. And I guess that's where I'm at right now. I feel like want to simultanously jump for joy and curl up in a fetal position and cry. I'm feel like I'm being pulled in two directions by completely different forces.
Being a father sucks. No, it doesn't. But, it does suck when you get slapped in the face by seeing traits you hate about yourself in your child. It makes be realize that I haven't been the best role model. Truly, the best way a child learns "good" behavior is not from discipline, but from example. Meaning, if you want your kid to read more, you need to read more in front of them (this is not a personal example - though I do need to read more). If you want them to keep their room clean, you need to keep your room (and the rest of the house) clean. Leading by example is a far better tool than discipline. The caveat is, of course, they learn those "bad" behaviors from you, too.
I need to redouble my efforts with God. It's not that I'm not down with God and where He's leading me. I'm just finding it difficult to see His works in my daily life. That is not His fault, as I do have faith he is working in my life. I am just having trouble seeing it because I'm not doing my part of in seeking Him like I should be. I need to find time in my day to read the Bible and pray. I need to stop thinking I need to find the time because that's what I do more than not, and take some freaking action on it.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Letters
I started reading the book of Philippians the other day. I’ve only gotten into the first chapter, so I can’t really comment on the material yet. But, that first chapter did stir a thought inside of me.
First, you have to realize that Philippians is a letter Paul sent to the congregation at one of his favorite church plants. He wrote the letter while under arrest in Rome for being Christian. The Philippian Church raised money for his defense. He was writing to thank them for their support and to encourage them to remain strong in their faith.
That’s all well and good, but the thought I had focused on the letter aspect of this book. In fact, several books of the Bible are letters written by Paul and other apostles to the faithful at various churches. What do I mean by “the letter aspect?” I simply mean to point out the language used in the introductional chapters.
When (considering today’s email society, it’s more IF than when) we write a letter, it usually goes something like this:
So, looking back at Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and reading how it starts off… Well, can you imagine how you’d feel getting a letter in the mail that starts off in such a manner:
This was my thought. Imagine the joy we could bring to the world if we just send one letter a month to someone we know. First, who doesn't like getting a letter in the mail. Second, sending a letter means you took time out of your schedule in order to relate to another human being. Furthermore, that human being knows it. That right there speaks volumes to someone. Now, what if that person was suffering? How much could that letter mean to them? The power of feeling cared about and loved goes a long, long way.
I do not want to sit here and promise to start mailing people one a month. I know that I am human and something will happen that will prevent me from doing it (whether it be some tragedy or my own procrastination, or something else). But, I truly do hope that I can get into the habit. Let me restate that another way... I hope that I can prove to myself that I am not so shallow as not to care.
First, you have to realize that Philippians is a letter Paul sent to the congregation at one of his favorite church plants. He wrote the letter while under arrest in Rome for being Christian. The Philippian Church raised money for his defense. He was writing to thank them for their support and to encourage them to remain strong in their faith.
That’s all well and good, but the thought I had focused on the letter aspect of this book. In fact, several books of the Bible are letters written by Paul and other apostles to the faithful at various churches. What do I mean by “the letter aspect?” I simply mean to point out the language used in the introductional chapters.
When (considering today’s email society, it’s more IF than when) we write a letter, it usually goes something like this:
Dear Soandso,OK, that’s a very generic letter. But, to be honest, it has been so long since I wrote an actual letter to someone, and even longer since I received one, I can’t imagine there’s much more to them these days. Sure, there’s the family year-in-review letters that are jam-packed with tons of info about a family. And, it’s nice to get them and know what’s going on. But, what does it say about us – both the person and society – that we don’t write personal letters anymore? I mean email is great for its instant transmission. But, if you write the exact same thing on a piece of paper and mail it out, somehow it means more.
How are you? I am fine. This is what has been going on in my life. Someone you know says to tell you hi. Hope this finds you well.
Sincerely,
Me.
So, looking back at Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and reading how it starts off… Well, can you imagine how you’d feel getting a letter in the mail that starts off in such a manner:
2Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. 3I thank my God every time I remember you. 4In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.What would your reaction be if you got a letter in the mail that started half as elegantly? (Click on the comments to answer for yourself)
7It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. 8God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.
9And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, 10so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, 11filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
This was my thought. Imagine the joy we could bring to the world if we just send one letter a month to someone we know. First, who doesn't like getting a letter in the mail. Second, sending a letter means you took time out of your schedule in order to relate to another human being. Furthermore, that human being knows it. That right there speaks volumes to someone. Now, what if that person was suffering? How much could that letter mean to them? The power of feeling cared about and loved goes a long, long way.
I do not want to sit here and promise to start mailing people one a month. I know that I am human and something will happen that will prevent me from doing it (whether it be some tragedy or my own procrastination, or something else). But, I truly do hope that I can get into the habit. Let me restate that another way... I hope that I can prove to myself that I am not so shallow as not to care.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
UR not my dad
I've been waiting for it for 10 years now. And, it finally happened last night. I got the, "I don't have to listen to you. You're not my real dad." line. I am thankful that I had 10 years to prepare for that. I simply calmly responded, "Son, I might not be your 'dad' but I am one of your parents and the other parent agrees." That ended the trouble.
The kid's 14, and at that age were he knows everything, won't do anything, doesn't want his parents around, and hates the world - you know, a teenager. I was just like that (OMG... I just realized that was 20 years ago *shudder*). So, we just shrug off a lot of his angst because we know he doesn't really mean stuff like that.
Case in point. Last night, he also said, "Well, I'm just gonna leave and not come back," in anger. I just looked at him with an expression of, "Yeah... I'm not believing that." And he said, "Ok, I'm not really gonna do that." He was just angry at the situation he found himself in.
And what was that situation? Ah, well, he was grounded. And, he knew he was going to be grounded. You see, last weekend, he wanted a friend to sleep over. As is the rule of the house, he can have a friend sleep over if his room is clean. It's a rare occasion that someone sleeps over because when he is reminded of that rule, he takes the lazy way out and decides he'd rather not clean his room. I'm sure he told his friend the reason the sleepover wasn't going to happen was, "My dad said, 'no,'" and not the whole truth "...because my room's not clean."
Anyway, so later that day he asks if he and his friend can sleep over at someone else's house that same night. I don't think it's fair for him have a sleepover somewhere else when he was asking about a sleepover here. So, I said for him to get his room clean... which strangely enough he began with reckless abandon. He didn't finish, though, when it came time for them to leave. It was a good start on cleaning, but he had a long way to go, and I was holding firm on the room being clean. I'm such a horrible parent, no doubt...
So, a few minutes later, he wants to make a deal with me. My first thought is, No, because we've made numerous deals before and he hasn't lived up to his end of the deal. For example, over the summer, the opportunity to sleep over at a friend's house arose and he had to go right then. "Your room's not clean." "I'll make a deal with you." And, so he was to clean his room that weekend after the sleep over... Never got done and that's our bad for not following through with discipline. And that's something that is not going to happen again.
In the end, we strike a deal where he can sleep over that night (a Sunday with no school the next day) and he has until Friday at 9pm to clean and organize his room. If that feat was not accomplished, he was going to be grounded until his room was done, losing all TV privileges, all computer privileges, all Xbox360 privileges, all DVD watching privileges, all iPod privileges, and all going over to people's houses privileges. Yesterday was reckoning day.
Needless to say, he was grounded and none to pleased about it. But, he needs to learn the lesson of holding up his end of a deal and his responsibilities. In anger, he said what he said. And in anger, this morning, I'm sure he'll refuse to go work on him room. If he keeps that up, I will warn him that his cell phone will be confiscated after a certain time.
He needs to learn that in the real world there are consequences. He needs to learn that you can't just blow off your end of a bargain. That is what I am trying to teach him. As painful as, "You're not my dad, " can be, as difficult as being a parent to a hormonal teenager can be, I'm trying to keep two thoughts in mind:
These two Proverbs keep me strong. They help remind me that his words are said in anger, not what he really believes. They keep me focused on the results that won't come for 10 or 15 years.
He's a good kid. He's just a teenage one right now. He actually reminds me of me when I was that age. I think he'll be fine.
Update: (10:30am) This morning, he woke up and found me. He said, "Do you want to make some bacon with me?" But, the underlying tone and subtext was, "I'm sorry for what I said last night." We didn't have any bacon, though. Then, he said, "Well, I need to finish cleaning my room." I just smiled.
Update 2 (10:00pm): His room is clean. He took a long nap at one point. But, it's clean. :)
The kid's 14, and at that age were he knows everything, won't do anything, doesn't want his parents around, and hates the world - you know, a teenager. I was just like that (OMG... I just realized that was 20 years ago *shudder*). So, we just shrug off a lot of his angst because we know he doesn't really mean stuff like that.
Case in point. Last night, he also said, "Well, I'm just gonna leave and not come back," in anger. I just looked at him with an expression of, "Yeah... I'm not believing that." And he said, "Ok, I'm not really gonna do that." He was just angry at the situation he found himself in.
And what was that situation? Ah, well, he was grounded. And, he knew he was going to be grounded. You see, last weekend, he wanted a friend to sleep over. As is the rule of the house, he can have a friend sleep over if his room is clean. It's a rare occasion that someone sleeps over because when he is reminded of that rule, he takes the lazy way out and decides he'd rather not clean his room. I'm sure he told his friend the reason the sleepover wasn't going to happen was, "My dad said, 'no,'" and not the whole truth "...because my room's not clean."
Anyway, so later that day he asks if he and his friend can sleep over at someone else's house that same night. I don't think it's fair for him have a sleepover somewhere else when he was asking about a sleepover here. So, I said for him to get his room clean... which strangely enough he began with reckless abandon. He didn't finish, though, when it came time for them to leave. It was a good start on cleaning, but he had a long way to go, and I was holding firm on the room being clean. I'm such a horrible parent, no doubt...
So, a few minutes later, he wants to make a deal with me. My first thought is, No, because we've made numerous deals before and he hasn't lived up to his end of the deal. For example, over the summer, the opportunity to sleep over at a friend's house arose and he had to go right then. "Your room's not clean." "I'll make a deal with you." And, so he was to clean his room that weekend after the sleep over... Never got done and that's our bad for not following through with discipline. And that's something that is not going to happen again.
In the end, we strike a deal where he can sleep over that night (a Sunday with no school the next day) and he has until Friday at 9pm to clean and organize his room. If that feat was not accomplished, he was going to be grounded until his room was done, losing all TV privileges, all computer privileges, all Xbox360 privileges, all DVD watching privileges, all iPod privileges, and all going over to people's houses privileges. Yesterday was reckoning day.
Needless to say, he was grounded and none to pleased about it. But, he needs to learn the lesson of holding up his end of a deal and his responsibilities. In anger, he said what he said. And in anger, this morning, I'm sure he'll refuse to go work on him room. If he keeps that up, I will warn him that his cell phone will be confiscated after a certain time.
He needs to learn that in the real world there are consequences. He needs to learn that you can't just blow off your end of a bargain. That is what I am trying to teach him. As painful as, "You're not my dad, " can be, as difficult as being a parent to a hormonal teenager can be, I'm trying to keep two thoughts in mind:
Proverbs 19:18, "Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death."
Proverbs 22:7, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old his will not turn from it."
These two Proverbs keep me strong. They help remind me that his words are said in anger, not what he really believes. They keep me focused on the results that won't come for 10 or 15 years.
He's a good kid. He's just a teenage one right now. He actually reminds me of me when I was that age. I think he'll be fine.
Update: (10:30am) This morning, he woke up and found me. He said, "Do you want to make some bacon with me?" But, the underlying tone and subtext was, "I'm sorry for what I said last night." We didn't have any bacon, though. Then, he said, "Well, I need to finish cleaning my room." I just smiled.
Update 2 (10:00pm): His room is clean. He took a long nap at one point. But, it's clean. :)
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