Chink In the Armor

To the person this is about:  please don't read this.  I don't want you to get the wrong impression.  There's much more I want to tell you should we have the opportunity.

To the person(s) who reads this:  don't assume it's about you or someone you know.  It's not.

I had a dream about you last night.  Honestly, I don't remember the specifics,  only that you were there - perhaps we were just hanging out.  But we were both laughing and very happy to see each other after so long.  Part of me wants to take this as a sign that it is okay to contact you again.  I miss our friendship; I'm realizing that more and more.  Still, another part of me doesn't know if I am ready.  And that's really silly when I think about it.

Through Facebook, I see we have a few mutual friends - the one's I'd expect.  Yet, I can't bring myself to click "add as friend."  Whenever I get close, I don't know if I am ready to face the rejection if you don't confirm.  I feel some need to ask for forgiveness for some crime I've made up in my head.  The crime of distance, of no communication.

Our lives are much different now than they were when we last spoke or saw each other.  Well, based on what I can tell, yours certainly is and you look happy.  Trust me when I say that is all I hoped for you.  I wouldn't want an out-of-the-blue, unexpected message to throw a monkey wrench in your life or happiness.  So, I maintain radio silence, if you will.  Still, a small part of me feels like I need forgiveness for the mistakes I made.

Though, how much of the non-communication is really time and distance?  Out of sight, out of mind?  That thought is rather depressing.  We shared a too rare a friendship for time/distance to be an issue.

So, maybe I do need your forgiveness.  And honestly, that's all I want from you.  For what though?  There's the paradox - to gain your forgiveness I have to admit to you there was a crime. 

I've matured and accepted things.  I'm in a good place.  No, not a perfect place, but perfection is not achievable.

In the end, I guess what I am asking is... can we be friends?  Are we capable?  I would like to think so.  I hope some time in this life I am proven right.


Today's Blessings:
- After 3 years of go, go, go, I'm on a needed break.  The focus is on house and home.
- I have a family who loves me enough to allow me to go, go, go for three straight years without asking me to stop.
- I have been granted respect from people who matter to me.
- I have done at least 4 shows in a row with very little, if any, drama/diva moments.  I can see the common thread in why, too.

Okay

I ran across this statement/saying on the internet:



 I'm not sure I can agree with this statement.  Probably because if you ask me how I'm doing, I'm likely to respond with, "I'm okay."  To me, being okay conveys a sentiment of contentedness.  There's nothing bad or negative going on and, conversely, there's nothing super fantastic I can mention either.  I'm just ok.

For some reason when I say that I'm okay, people follow that up with, "What's the matter?" or something like.  Honestly, nothing is the matter.  Nothing is outstanding either.  I'm pretty good, thanks.

But, the above statement sees it much more pessimistically, no?  It implies things are, or at least, were, kinda screwed up.  They are maintaining despite these setbacks.

I see the point of the statement, just not sure I like the pessimistic outlook.  Lord knows I don't always rise above my faults and emotional problems.  And, I'm certainly don't think I'm letting my fears paralyze me.  At least, on most fronts.  But, I'd like to think I'm doing more than "okay."  "Okay" is like a C; it's average.  I think we need to strive for at least a B minus.

Are you doing okay?  What do you think?

Resolutions

Funny thing about New Year's Resolutions... Sometime after Christmas and before New Years' Eve, I thought of a really good resolution. Something that I could do without worrying about breaking it. Then, I promptly forgot what it was... Still don't know.

So, over the weekend, I thought of a new one. Lately, I have really been into cooking. Not just cooking, but learning what flavors go well with other flavors. What foods taste good together. So, I figure my resolution is to cook a brand new, never before tried recipe once a week. The goal is to learn more about food, cooking and creating recipes. I firmly believe that a recipe is only a guide and not something to be followed to a tea. So, I think this will be a fun experience.

Over the weekend, I made a marinade for some t-bone steaks. Click here for the recipe.

Now, right of the bat, you should know a few things about my experience with this recipe. First, I thought we had lemon juice, but we were out. So, I substituted lime juice. Also, substituted olive oil for the vegetable juice. Second, I didn't use flank steaks, but T-bones. They marinaded for nearly 24 hours. Third, when it came time to grill these suckers, it was about 5 or 6 degrees outside, which was fun. I think the cold affected the charcoal's heat. The grill only got up to about 225F. Lastly, Scooby was not looking like himself all day. When it came time to grill the steaks, I had to pull them off earlier than I wanted and bring him to the Vet ER. He is feeling better. Not sure what they problem was. Likely a combination of overweight and a viral bug that zapped his energy. When we got back, we finished the steaks on a griddle in the kitchen.

Despite all of the above, the steaks were very tender and flavorful. The substitution of lime didn't have an adverse effect on the flavor. For me, the unfortunate part was the too-cold charcoal and the vet trip made it difficult to sear the meat properly. That led to an under-colored finished product, yet still was tasty.

Overall, it was enjoyed by all. So, in that respect, it was a success.

Don't know what my next recipe is going to be. But, I have lots of source materials: from Gordon Ramsey to Betty Crocker cookbooks and the plentiful internet. I'm sure I'll find something fun. The trick for this is to plan ahead and shop for the right ingredients. If I can do that, I'll be able to keep this resolution.

Reflections on 2008

2008 started off to be a very promising year. In January, work looked up as I in line for a temporary promotion. The company was investing in a technology that would nearly automate the daily tag & bag process every TV station in the country goes through. I was brought in at the beginning stages to be the “Manager” of a new department that would be housed locally. It was to come with a higher salary. Basically, I was going to do all the leg work in setting up the process and procedures. Then, once the system was ready to go, part-time or entry level positions would maintain it. From there, I would go back to working my normal job at the new salary. Sadly, before the system was even ready for me to start working, engineering figured it was nearly impossible to implement due to the amount of RAM and processing power needed to run the entire (and I’m talking 30 or so stations networked across the country) system. So, by March or April that completely fell through.

Oh, and the company declared bankruptcy recently. Actually, I’m not too worried about that, layoff-wise. We are a hub for the entire company. And, we turn a decent profit. Plus, most of the debts are on the print side of things, and it’s most likely layoffs will come from that sector. Also, I’m probably one of the least expendable people in my department. But, really who knows? All I know is I’m not worried about it.

Theatre-wise, I did as much as I intended to do this year, which was pretty much nothing ‘cuz I needed a break. Well, nothing ON-stage. I worked on a few shows backstage for the money. And enjoyed every minute of it. Enjoyed it enough to put a little seed in the back of my head for a career change when I don’t have to have a stead income (ie: No kids; no responsibilities).

In fact, I realized that theatre was missing from my life, and in 2009, it will be theatre filled. First, I recently joined the board of directors for my local community theatre. That’s been quite interesting so far (and that’s quite the understatement). Now, I’ll be producing “Guilty Conscience” for CCP starting right at the beginning of the year. The show runs at the end of February and goes into March, but a lot of my work on it will be in January and February. Then, after that, I said I would work crew on “Ms. Saigon,” at Footlite Musicals for Noffke. That will take me into May. By then, we’ll be diving head first into “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” We’ve been working on that since March 2008 and it will be wonderful to actually cast the show and start rehearsals. After that, who knows. Hopefully, I’ll be able to work on “Frog and Toad” again in 2009. It’s just so much fun, and money to boot.

Then, the biggest news from 2008 – Tricia’s back surgery. It’s hard to believe that it’s taken up the last six months of our life. The bad pain started with an ER visit. Then a few Spine Dr. visits later, we knew she would need the surgery. That was in early September, and she’s hasn’t worked since Labor Day. That put a big strain on us financially. But, the good news is that we are at least floating and not dead in the water. In fact, she got the A-OK to return to work on January 5th. I hope that’s not too early nor too strenuous for her back, but I’d be lying if I said we didn’t need her paycheck. Thankfully, most of the surgery bills were covered by insurance, but we will be paying our chunk of the bill for the next year. She’s healing quite well, by the way. Most of her back pain is gone. And, she’s thrilled to be able to get out of the house and back to work. She doesn’t deal well with sitting at home with nothing to do.

A bright spot has been the evolution of my relationship with my son. The teenage years have been very frustrating. But, I think I learned the key to it all – Understanding his language and communicating correctly. I don’t mean talking all, “OMG BBQ BFF Jill,” like the kids do these days. I mean hearing what he’s saying, not just the words, but the meaning. For example, when I say, “What are you up to?” what he hears is, “What kind of trouble are you getting into now?” So, his reply is, “Nothing” because he isn’t doing anything to get into trouble. But, that’s not what I’m asking and I can plainly see that he’s doing “Something.” After all, doing mundane things is still something. So, I would get frustrated because we were speaking different languages. Now, I think we have a better understanding of where we’re both coming from and the yelling has decreased significantly. Of course, there is the occasional, “I need you to clean this to my standards not yours,” argument. Followed by the, “It might not be yours to pick up but, either A) you took it out and therefore need to place it where it belongs, or B) I’m trying to get this other thing done and we need your help in other areas (it’s called contributing to help the family, now get off the couch!),” argument. But, yesterday, he gave me a hug for my birthday and, you know, that’s all I ever really wanted.

Changing the subject drastically, you know, I just haven’t been able to connect with God much this year. It’s not like I’m losing faith. No, I just haven’t had time to talk with Him like I should, or reflect on how He’s blessed me in the past year. I do believe He’s been taking care of us. But, I have trouble noticing those “small miracles” in life. I do need put more focus on God in the new year.

I guess that’s one of the things I’ve been struggling with: Do we ever reach a point where we don’t have to run as hard to keep up with God? Where our day-to-day actions with and for God come more naturally… I’m getting tired of going to bed thinking, “Crap, I didn’t get a chance to read the Bible or really sit down with God for a spell.” I don’t know…

Anyway, here’s hoping for an outstanding 2009! It’s gotta be better than 2008. I mean, the bar is pretty low…

Also, I know I'm not blogging much anymore. I don't have much interest in this anymore. I'm not saying I'm closing the shop, but just don't expect it to be open all the time. When the passion strikes me, I'll tap the keys. But, I posted 20 times (including this post) this year. 20% of that were updates on Tricia's back that were emailed to people anyway. I don't know when the next post will be or if there will be a next post. If there's a way to easily archive all of this, I might end up taking it down. I really don't know. I'm typing whatever comes out of my fingers right now, so I might just be talking... Stay tuned... Or don't... Or do...

In the meantime, here's a picture of Nikita sleeping under the Christmas tree:

Tricia's Back Surgery

We sent this email out to family and friends earlier:
(I'm posting it for people who's email I don't have)

We wanted to take a moment to let you know about Tricia's ongoing back problems. It has gotten bad enough that surgery is necessary to eleveate the pain. So, she will be having surgery on Tuesday morning to repair a herniated disc. Also, the doctor will be fusing the lowest vertabrae to the second lowest. While the surgery is not without risks, we are very confident that she will come out of this just fine. She will be staying at St. Vincent Carmel in the brand new Orthopedic wing. After a few days, she'll be able to go home for bed rest. The doctor said that for 2 weeks she'll be in a lot of pain due the the fusion. She'll pretty much be in bed and get up for the bathroom. It'll be about 6 weeks for her to recover from the surgery and she should be able to resume "normal" activities (like work and sewing again) in 3 or 4 months.

She'll be staying at St. Vincent Carmel for a few days if you wanted to visit or call. Let me know if you wish to and I will send you room and phone info. Also, she'll be at home and in bed for a while if you wanted to keep her company while I'm at work or whatnot. (Addresses and phone numbers from original email deleted 'cuz this is the internet).

If you have the inclination, please pray that the surgery goes smooth and is successful. Also, that the recovery process takes hold and goes well. And, while you're praying, you might as well say a word or two about our families and friends who are evacuating from South Louisiana because of Gustav.

Working for a living

Whenever someone asks me what I do for a living, I give them a canned answer, "Basically, I make commercials about the shows on my station." Then, I gauge their interest and reaction and continue explaining if they seem like they want more than that. This includes lines like, "Sometimes, I have to watch episodes of Family Guy all day long" or, "Watching TV at home is akin to bringing work home." All of that is true.

But, while I had nothing to do with creating this video, it explains what I do for a living much better than I do.

Neighborly Love

I feel violated.

And, it's partly my fault.

When I got home today and checked the mail, there was a note in the mailbox. It was printed out on white paper. It was folded up in half and then in half again. It opened, "From the ********** Neighborhood Association:" (I'm leaving the neighborhood out). Right there, I got a little nervous.

The note went on to say, and I'm paraphrasing, that my lawn was disgusting and that I needed to take care of it. That my lawn was driving down the property values. That if I didn't want to take care of my lawn, I should move.

Yes, I have a dandelion problem. Part of my front lawn is more dandelion than grass. Weeds happen. And, it's true, the dandelions were tall and plenty. It's nice to know that someone is paying attention to us.

Though, I guess they didn't notice the grass was cut last weekend. I guess they didn't notice the rain on Friday and Sunday. I guess they didn't notice me spraying dandelion weed killer on Saturday. I guess they didn't notice my son cutting the grass on Saturday and running out of gas while my wife and I were away. I guess they didn't notice my wife has not been home for nearly a month. She's been waking up to go to work until 5pm then heading to the high school to work on costumes until Midnight. In the last week, she was there until 4am. But, I guess they didn't notice that.

I guess they are so absorbed with my lawn that they neglected to notice all that. Not to mention the other lawns in the neighborhood that have dandelion problems. I guess they didn't notice that because of my wife's hard work, that I've basically been a single dad for a month. I imagine they didn't notice their dogs crossing the street and pooping in my yard (that's not to say the people across the street left the note; their dogs crossing the invisible fence and the street to poop on my lawn is something I notice). I guess they don't notice that when *I* walk our dog, I carry a baggy with me and pick up after him - ON MY OWN LAWN! Nevermind that the neighborhood dog's seem to think my lawn is the place to poop on.

Friends, I feel violated.

For what it's worth, the lawn is completely cut now. We've had time to finish it (since it's not raining).

Well, the note still bothered me. I brought it to my neighbor since he's on the Homeowner Association Board. He is the neighbor who cuts his grass every other day. Yeah. Every other day. Believe it or not, I do respect that. It's not what I want to be, but it works for him.

I showed him the note and he agreed that it's not from the Homeowners. It's not on any kind of letterhead or even signed by anyone. It would be one thing to get an "official" letter from the Homeowner's Association. That would be embarrassing. But, it's very obviously not. It's very obviously someone in the neighborhood. And, that's what is especially bothersome.

This, however, is not embarrassing. It's creepy. And the worst part of it is that whoever left us that note now thinks we can be intimidated. After all, the grass was cut the same day. Worse yet, now that my wife is done with the show, we have time to weed the strawberry garden by the door. And, I have had plans to buy a weed-whacker with our economic stimulus money. I had already bought a hedge trimmer with some Christmas money. The fact of the matter is we have been on the verge of yard work beyond just mowing. Just needed the time.

But, now that we have time, this neighbor is going to think it's all because they left me a note. And, that's the saddest part of all. That's the part that makes me want to let my lawn turn to complete shit.

But, I won't.

If there's a lesson to be learned from this, perhaps it's the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Luke 10:25-37 In this passage, Jesus asked what must we do to inherit eternal life? He responds basically, "Love God with your all," and "Love your neighbor as yourself." I'm not making the obvious point. The next words to Jesus are, "But, who is my neighbor?" and Jesus responds with the Parable of the Good Samaritan. In the end, the neighbor is the person who had mercy on a man who was robbed. But, it's the last 4 words that have the most meaning,: "Go and do likewise."

I read that passage and I realize I haven't been a good neighbor. I'm not referring to my lawn aesthetics. I mean, we've been here for two years and we don't really know anyone. We've had a few conversations with the lawn guy, mostly about our dogs. We don't see our other neighbor much. We like her though. She's an artist and from Russia. But, that's about the gist of it. I couldn't tell you the names of the people in the cul-de-sac across the street.

And there is probably the root of all problem. Whoever left us this note doesn't know us. Granted, no one has made a real effort either way. Still, I can't help but feel that we could have done more and could do more to be... neighbors... and learn to care for the people here.

UPDATE (5/14/08): We found out yesterday that we weren't the only house hit. Our Russian neighor came over and told us she had gotten the same letter. The worst part for them is her son got the mail that day. He gave the note to his mom and said, "I think we have hate mail." Poor kid. The President of the Homeowner's Association also called to assure us that the note was not from them and there were several houses that got the same note. It's at least nice to know we weren't the only target. But, that several homes got this note means there's the neighborhood has worse problems than our lawns.

2 months and what?

Wow. So, I pretty much haven't blogged in about 2 months. A lot of that is time, rather lack there of. A huge chunk of that is waning interest. If I were more interested, I'd probably make more time to do this. Alas. I've been thinking about closing shop. But who the heck knows what I'll end up doing... I'm posting this, ain't I?

Yeah, we ended up adopting the dog. His name is now Rufus, though he responds to Scooby. He's a great dog and we love him. My parents are in town right now and mom has a pet/fur phobia. But, he's doing a good job of not freaking her out too much. I think his previous owners fed him a lot of human food, or at least allowed him to eat table scraps. That's likely why he's overweight. Plus, we cannot walk into the kitchen for any reason without him trying to follow us. It's difficult to eat dinner with a snout sniffing your plate, too. So, we're hoping to change that behavior. It's slow-going. We do allow him to eat cottage cheese with his regular food. It's supposed to help with the dander and shine on his coat. It's funny because he'll jump like a bunny rabbit when he sees he's getting cottage cheese.

I don't have a lot to report. I'm in "Assassins" and that closes this weekend. After which, I'll be taking a long, much needed break from theatre. Don't know how long, but I need time with my family, I need to make more time for God. This hasn't been the best year for keeping my connection with God. I don't mean I'm losing faith. I'm just not talking to him like I used to, which I believe is a direct result of not making time for God.

Speaking of God, I've moved on to a new church. Maybe that's part of my disconnect from God. Not the new church, but the feelings and reasons for leaving the old church. In truth, I just haven't felt connected to any of the people at The Crux. I haven't been there since September. And a few events have solidified for me that I made the right decision in moving on to a new place. For instance, not a single person from the Crux has tried to contact me to see what I've been up to or anything. A smallish church - under 300 people in the congregation - that I was an active participant of (small groups and service teams) and not one email or phone call... other than mass emails like prayer requests, etc. I've run into someone who was in my small group twice. During that second run-in, he told me that he was talking to the small group leader the other day and that we ran into each other. The small group leader apparently couldn't recall what I looked like... Now, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he was teasing me because I haven't been to that church in a while. Like, since my face hasn't been around in a while, it was fading from their memory and that I should go back so they remember me... I'd give him that he was making a joke... It still left a bad taste in my mouth...

So, I'm at a mega church... which probably goes against everything I thought I was looking for in a small church. You see, I liked the small intimateness of knowing everybody, at least in name, at the Crux. This church I'm at now has near around 5,000 members and 4 services. I haven't really had a chance to meet people and socialize there yet. In the coming weeks, there is a "Meet and Greet" for new members that I'm hoping to attend with my wife. And then after that, we'll see. I have completely enjoyed the services and the message so far.

Tangent... Sometimes, I wonder if I'm an asshole or just really shy and quirky. I'm not going to explain that right now, but I'll probably address that at some point... Huh... Guess I'm not giving the bloggin' thing up yet.

For the Love of Theatre, or How the hell did we end up with a dog?!?

Oh, the things we do for the things and people we love. We currently - possibly temporarily, possibly permanently - have a dog. We're outnumbers by the animals now. Surely, there will be a revolution in the house hold. Oh, who am I kidding? The cats already rule.

So, here's a picture of said doggy.
He is a four year-old Chow mix and he's very docile. He's a beast, no doubt, but quite tame. In the past 12 hours of baby-sitting him, I've heard him bark twice. Once, when Hannah was sniffing him out and he turned to quickly. She was startled and battled at him. This scared him and he retreated to a corner to hide from her. The other time was when I put him in his cage for the day. He seems to know he'd be in the cage for a while and wanted out. Other than that, he's been a sweetheart. And he snores a little.

Now, the question is how the heck did we end up with this dog. Well, wifey is working on a show, a stage version of Steinbeck's, "Of Mice and Men." They need a live dog for one brief scene. The producer called up the SPCA and set this up. The show puts in the program that this dog can be adopted and how the audience can go about it and the SPCA provides the dog. It's a little ingenious way to get a dog adopted. In the show, the dog comes out briefly, then is taken off stage to be shot because he's lame or something. At the end of the show, the dog come back for curtain call and people will be told he's available for adoption. What better what to emphasize the dog's need for a home than to pull on the audience's heart strings by killing him in the story?

The only problem is by the time the show opens, wifey and the kid may have already adopted him.

During the rehearsal process and the run of the show, someone has to take care of the dog. Another cast member volunteered, but apparently had to back out of that. And, so because we love theatre, we're baby-sitting the dog. By the time I got to rehearsal last night to get the cage, wifey was already smitten. Sonuvabitch.

Actually, I'm not totally against adopting him. As long as those two agree to step up their responsibilities around the house - keeping the house cleaner and less cluttered - I don't think it would be a problem to have the dog. Except maybe when my mother comes to visit... My biggest concern is the cats. Hannah seems to be ok with the dog. Jack and Misfit are either under the bed or in the closet... Understandably hiding from this behemoth.

The way I see it, there's no need to do the paper work to officially adopt him until after the show is over. After all, if someone else wants him, I don't have a problem with that. Of course, the kid is incredibly excited and why shouldn't he be? He wanted us to wake him up early this morning so he could walk the dog. Hey, this is a good opportunity to teach him some responsibility. I mean, we have the dog for a month. Maybe in that time, the kid can show he's willing to do what it takes to have a dog. Then, after he's proven himself, we can discuss the matter further.

Right. That'll happen. You know this dog is pretty much a permanent fixture at this point. I don't really have a say in this.

The SPCA said that the couple who brought the dog in were getting a divorce and neither of them wanted it. That's strange because I would think divorcing couples would be fighting over the family dog. The SPCA called him Scooby. The name shall be changed. That's a tacky name for a dog, much less this beast. Of course, I don't really have a say in the naming. But, Scooby will not be his name.

Dammit! I'm already attached enough to be debating good names for him. This. Cannot. End. Well.

Well, maybe for the dog. He gets a home.

Closing Sucks

The best part about a show closing is that you now have free time again. The worst part about a show closing is that you now have free time again. Children of Eden ended a very sucessful run (both creatively and monetarily) yesterday and I've hit the usual post show crash. Yet, somehow, this time it feels different.

I really hate the show closing. What really sucks about them is you spend 6 to 8 weeks building relationships with people and just when you figure out what some of those people mean to you, the show is over and you never hear from them again... until the next show. That may have something to do with me starting rehearsals for Assassins next week.

But, the point is just this past weekend I've realized that I was making pretty good friends. And what I mean is that I may have been taking some of those relationships for granted. There's definitely some blossoming buds on the friendship tree, but today I worry that some of those buds have been trimmed due to time constraints. Given more time, I wonder how those flowers would bloom.

Now don't get me wrong. There's plenty of people I worked with and were friends with before we started working on Children of Eden. I am not talking about them. I still love them much (though I do wish to see them more often).

No, I'm talking about a few people I met for the first time at the first rehearsal and just kinda clicked since. It's hard to really get to know someone in a few weeks, especially when your (individually and as a whole) concentrating on something bigger. Then, just when you get comfortable, just when you get close enough to figure out that person would make a good friend, the show is over and the burgeoning friendship is put to its biggest test. Can that fragile bud bloom without the convienence of the show? Is it sturdy enough to withstand the shock of the show ending?

I don't know if it is and only time will tell. I certainly hope a couple of the bonds I created do get stronger. If you're reading this, well, there's a good chance for it. I mean, if you know me well enough to know how to find this website without me having to tell you, that says something.

There's more I want to say about Children of Eden because it's important. So, stay tuned for that. There's good news there.

Things I Learned Today

1. It takes at least nine hours for a 50 gallons hot water heater to completely drain out of a 1mm hole.

2. Carpet aborbs alot of water.

3. Wet vacs don't hold more water than carpet.

4. I know where the water value for the house and hot water heater is located.

5. It takes approximately 2 minutes for a medium-sized sauce pan to fill up with water from 1mm hole in a 50 gallon hot water heater.

6. It takes approximately 10 medium-sized sauce pans to fill a 5 gallon bucket.

7. Simple math says that filling a 5 gallon bucket with the water from a 50 gallon hot water heater mean filling the bucket 10 times. 50 gallons/5 gallons = 10 fillings.

8. If it takes 2 minutes to fill a medium-sized sauce pan and 10 fillings to fill a 5 gallon bucket, simple math says it will take 20 minutes to fill the 5 gallon bucket (2 minutes x 10 fillings = bucket full in 20 minutes).

9. Extrapolating further, simple math proves that it will take approximately 3 hours and 20 minutes to drain a leaking hot water heater. (See #7 & 8; 20 minutes x 5 gallons = 3 hrs & 20 mins to drain 50 gallon hot water heater).

10. Leaking hot water heaters prove that simple math is very wrong.

11. Plumbers will arrive at least one hour later than expected, but will always call before hand to make sure you're home when you can't reach the phone.

12. I learned that with the right equipment, I could probably install a new hot water heater.

13. Attaching a hose to the hot water heater spiget and putting the other end down the basement ground-hole drain will empty said hot water heater much faster than simple math shows.

That Christ Guy

So, I'm thinking of maybe getting this as a tattoo... maybe...



Yeah, I know. I'd be That Christ Guy, the Jesus Freak with the Jesus tattoo. It's probably a little cliche, though less so than, say, a butterfly on the lower back these days, no? But, I really like this image. I found it here at Cafe Press. I don't like it on a T-shirt. It's screaming to be made into a tattoo.

Still, I don't know. It's safe to say I'm really thinking about it. I've always said that if you're going to get a tattoo, it can't be something you just get. It has to be something personal to you. You have to think about it. You have to make sure the image is right. You have to be positive you want that image on you for life. The funny thing is... I wouldn't mind this image in the least.

Do I really have to explain why?

I don't know. There's something about having this image of Christ on my shoulder at all times that appeals to me. Something about the permanence of this ink-in-skin that I like. It's a reaffirmation of the choice I made to follow Christ. It's a constant reminder of why He suffered in pain and died for my sins. I imagine when I get tempted to sin, I can remember the pain of the needle inking me up and would be reminded of Christ's sacrifice. I can look to my arm and choose to do the right thing.

But, do I really need a tattoo to get all that? Something tells me it's not necessary. I mean, I know it's not necessary. Then again, it would make a righteous tat.

Is that you God? It's me, ML

Time for ML to eat a yummy, little piece of humble pie. You see, I haven't been chronicling my walk with God like I should have been. And that's I haven't been walking for while. I've recognized that I've been sitting on the park bench for quite a while now.

What do I mean by that? Well, there was a time if you go back in the archives where I would pray nearly daily. I would fast once a week. I would read the Bible on a daily basis. I would connect with God. And, life was good.

But, and I'm not exactly sure when, I just stopped all that. And, over that time, my connection with God has suffered. I haven't felt as blessed as I did when I was talking to God daily. Old sins have gotten the best of me again. And, though I knew I shouldn't be doing this or that, I did it anyway. What's worse is that I recognized my behavior for a while and I'm just now getting around to refocusing.

During that time, I've really felt that God wasn't there. In my heart, I knew he was there waiting for me to walk with him. No, he was there. I just... didn't want to walk at the time, I guess... Heck, I could faintly hear Him calling to talk to me, but I wasn't in the mood to listen. At church, I felt more and more distant, like I was going through the motions. I digress.

Yesterday, I started to take a step in the right direction. After another Sunday at church feeling like I don't belong there, I starting thinking about why I felt that way. Part of my problem, I think, is that I'm a little disenchanted with the Crux. While I love the message and the way it's given, to borrow a friend's description, it's become too much like a rock concert. Granted, the first thing that attracted me to this church was how different it was from the traditional Catholic show. Now, I like the new pastor a lot, but once I learned he was once apart of the lead pastors old Christian rock band, something felt... not wrong... but not quite connected. Add to that, I still struggle with feeling like anyone knows me there. Among the congregation, I could probably count on my hands the number of people I feel close with. Closer than, "Oh hey, you're name's ML right?" Despite the church's effort to built a community, I think my age and life experience are so different from others that we have trouble relating. Now, I'm not attributing my sins to the Crux. I am responsible for my actions and I am asking God's forgiveness. I'm just explaining how during this time the feeling of not belonging has maybe pushed me away from God.

Additionally, three of the people I felt the closest to in the congregation are no longer apart of the mix. God called them to work for him somewhere else. So, my best friend and his wife are moving and, really, I'm happy for them. God's got great plans for them. And, the person who pretty much brought me to Christ's party is moving, too, as God has called her to work for Him somewhere else. I'm not doing well losing their physical proximity. I plan to make every effort to keep these people in my life because, whether they realize it or not, they have done so much for me. In fact, their leaving made me realize that I might for the first time since coming to Christ be alone in my walk with God. By that I mean, I don't have someone in my local inner circle to lean on and talk to about faith. I don't mean I can't talk others in my inner circle about it; we just haven't really talked about it and connected on that level. See the difference before you get offended. So, in that sense, I feel like I have to stand and walk on my own for bit while I develop other relationships. And that scares me...

It's hard for me to socialize. I say I'm going to talk to someone new and just be a friendly person, but it's hard for me to do that. "What ifs" talk me out of it. This is not a way to live. If I'm standing next to you and I'm not saying anything, know that I'm probably trying really hard to come up with an icebreaker that doesn't sound like I'm hitting on you or sounds really stupid. Like recently, I wanted to tell someone I liked the color of their toenail polish, but where do you go after that? Oh, hey, yeah, lovely shade of ice blue on your toes. Where'd ya get it? Oh, no, it's not odd for a guy to like pretty toenails and wonder where you purchased that shade. Really, I'm not a freak. Don't walk away. Damn. I've got a million deadend icebreakers.

Didn't expect that rant, but there ya go... Anyway, I've been wanting to buy The Message Bible. Some people will say that they can't trust the Bible, that it's not the word of God, because it was written by man. I tend to disagree with that because it's not the words that are in the Bible, it's the message you get from God while you read it that's important. And, this particular version, from what I have been exposed to, exemplifies that notion. So, I finally picked on up yesterday. This is a special edition called "Pause." Basically, it's the Message Remix in a "read the Bible in 365 days" form. It starts in Genesis 1, then skips to John 1, back to Genesis, etc. It picked this version because I felt that the fact that it was written to be read daily would help me do just that.

I was reading about Cain and Abel after they offered their sacrifices to God. He was pleased with Abel's, but not so much with Cain's. God tells Cain:

"Why this tantrum? Why the sulking? If you do well, won't you be accepted? And if you don't do well, sin is lying in wait for you, ready to pounce; it's out to get you; you've got to master it."

Well, you could have just about called me "Cain" after I read that. That's what I need to do - get back to mastering my sins.

And that's just what I intend on doing. I am going to start seeking God again. I am going to start praying daily and reading the Bible daily. I am going to start fasting again. I am going to seek the life God wants for me. I am going to start holding myself to higher expectations and morals and develop my character. I'm going to live more transparently and chronicle my experiences here. And, I'm going to start hugging more people. Hugs are good. I need them. So do you. Hug me.

This Day Has To Get Better

6:10am - Alarm goes off. Strangely, I'm awake enough to turn it off and get up and not hit the snooze button. Usually, I'm snoozing from 5:30 until 6:30am.
6:45am - Showered, dressed and out the door.
6:57am - Flat tire on I-465 Loop.
6:58am - Get out jack and necessary tools. My spare tire is underneath my truck bed and I have to lower it with a special tool.
6:59:30am - Remember about the 1st time I changed a flat on my truck and how it took me over an hour to get the spare tire down. Of course, that was at 4am in the morning and I was completely hammered then.
7:01am - Got the spare down
7:02am - Jack the car up.
7:03am - Remembered the easiest technique to getting the lug nuts off. Loosen them while the tire is down on the ground, then jack the car up. Use the nut-thingy (I'm blanking on the tool's name, it's the crowbar thingy with the nut-thingy on one end) on the lug nut and spin the tire instead of turning the tool. Let the tire do the work.
7:03:30am - Lower the car.
7:04am - Attempt to loosen the first lug nut. Not even budging. I think, "Righty Tighty - Lefty Loosey" and confirm I'm pushing the right way.
7:08am - No lug nut even budges.
7:08:15am - Curse.
7:15am - Position the tool-thingy on a lug nut and step on tool. Massive gerth allows for successful loosening of lug nuts.
7:17am - Lug nugs off.
7:20am - Flat tire off and in truck bed.
7:21am - Spare tire on.
7:22am - Lug nuts tightened.
7:24am - All tools back in car.
7:24:30am - Start to pull away and hear chain clanging noise.
7:24:45am - Realize I need to raise the chain that holds the spare tire up.
7:25am - Raising the chain.
7:26am - Realize I'm a dirty, sweaty mess as I pull off.
7:30am - Stop at McDonalds to clean up.
7:31am - McDonald's soap sucks and the faucet is automatic.
7:37am - Give up cleaning hands. They were as clean as they could get.
7:39am - Stop at gas station to give extra air to space
7:39:30am - Notice Out of Order Sign on Air Machine
7:41am - Ask store clerk if they know of another air machine nearby since there's isn't worked. They said it was and they'd turn it on if I took the Out of Order sign off.
7:43am - Hey! It does work. Oh, the connecting piece broke off when I touched it.
7:43:30am - Fuck it! Plow through.
7:46am - Tire inflated.
7:47am - Decide to stop at the Target behind gas station for a change of clothes.
7:48am - Target opens at 8am.
7:49am - Call home to tell Wife about flat.
7:58am - Call work to say I'll be late.
8:00:02am - Enter Target.
8:10am - Procure 2 undershirts, a new polo shirt and pair of jeans.
8:11am - Check out and head to bathroom to clean up.
8:12am - Enter stall and change into new clothes.
8:20am - Exit stall and wash up. Target's bathrooms at least had manual faucets.
8:22am - Leave Target and head to work.
8:30am - Arrive at work where there's not a lot to do.

So that was my morning so far. I've got stuff to install on our Avids. At least the day ends with seeing "High School Musical" on stage with some good friends. That should wash away my morning... until I get the bill for a new tire...