Liz Phair-A-Paloozer and The List

Whoa... see what happens when you fiddle around with the new blogger stuff... A title and all... neato...

Imma gonna be outta town and computer less until Sunday. Once agan, I being my quest to stalk.. I mean my quest to convince Liz Phair to fall in love with me. And that would be ok with my wife. Liz is on my list.

You've heard of the list? The 5 celebrites you are allowed to cheat on your S.O. with... You see, it's never gonna happen. But, what if? That's where the list comes in. You and your S.O. get five people they can sleep with and it be ok because how many chances will you get to sleep with them. Liz Phair is on my list. But to be honest, I don't think I would sleep with her. It's a case of my fantasy being 1000 times better than what could ever happen in real life. The fantasy would be ruined. There's Liz and Nicole Kidman, Maura West (Carly from As The World Turns), Gina Gershon, and the babysitter (just kidding) Every year, we change ours to reflect ou current stalkings. Jeff Goldblum and David Bowie are on the wife's list. Who's on yours?

I'm thinking about getting some folks to guest post next time I check out for the weekend or for a decent stretch. Any volunteers? Not for this weekend, but the next time, if you're interested...

Yeah, it�s late. Fuck it. I like these questions. At least, I did them� So here�s Tuesday�s Friday Five:

If your life was a movie, what would the title be?
Um� Everything Grey: The Musical. What? You�re reading the screenplay�

What songs would be on the soundtrack?
Well, since it�s a musical, we could �Moulin Rouge� it and use popular music to drive the story. Songs to include:
What You Wish For � Guster (Open or Closing Credits)
What A Good Boy � Barenaked Ladies
I Could Be Your Angel � The Hatters
Hair � Hair Soundtrack
I Got Life � Hair Soundtrack
among a host of others...

Would it be a live-action film or animated? Why?
It would be a live-action musical, of course, with highly complicated choreography.

Casting: who would play you, members of your family, friends, etc?
ML � Drew Carey. It�s a comedy.
Wifey � Nicole Kidman or Debra Messing (if it�s a TV biopic)
Kid � Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle
Patrick � Eric Stoltz
Jeff � Steve Zhan (for the stupid Jeff scenes) and Donald Louge? (for the fat Jeff scenes)
Mom � Doris Roberts
Dad � Michael Caine
Sister � Helen Hunt
Bro-In-Law � Paul Reiser
Gail � Page Davis

Describe the movie preview/trailer.

It�s only happens once in a lifetime�
Clip of just-delivered new born with mother and father

A movie so powerful�
Fart sound, people passing out

So moving�
Soundbite in the rain: �You had me at hello�

So magnificent comes along�
Clip of alien ship

*record scratch*

This ain�t that flick.

*cue Liz Phair�s �Ride�*

A comedy so wacky...
Soundbite: �You win some. You lose some. Either way, you can have a beer�

So bizarre...
Clip of fantasy orgy with ML, Wifey, Liz Phair, and assorted persons

So� choreographed.

Clip of the Dance Off

This fall, you�ll laugh, you�ll cry, you�ll dance! You�ll believe that Nicole Kidman could fall for Drew Carey�

*Music changes to Guster �What You Wish For�*

From the producers of His Sister, it�s not black...
Soundbite: �Yo� Sup! For rizzle my nizzle�

It�s not white.
Clip showing very white, hairy stomach and women screaming and fleeing the hot tub

*Music changes to the pounding typmany ending of Space Odessy*

It just � is� Everything Grey: The Musical.

Feeling much better. Had a bad day at work and a feeling of dread came over me. It was all washed away by chicken wings, WWE Smackdown, and a movie shoot.

The comments were outta wack for a while and I didn't know it. But, they should be fixed now. Lemme know if there are still any problems.

4 days until the Liz-a-Tex-apalooza!

I feel like I'm about to cry and I really don't know exactly why... Hate that...

I don't understand how the heck I lost 3 lbs in the last 4 days. I haven't kept to my exercise schedule. My diet has been filled with grease and fried things. No salads. The "healthiest" thing I've eaten has been an aspargus mushroom saute I made as a side dish to spicy grilled pork chops. And, I've been eating nearly non-stop.

Don't get me wrong... Lord, I'm grateful for being rid of those 3 lbs. I just don't understand how I lost them. And makes me wonder if I'm going about the weight loss thing all wrong. I ate a whole friggin' pizza for gripes sake! Grilled Chicken Alfredo from Papa John's. That can't be good...

Then again, perhaps my metobolism has finally jump started and is doing its job. I have been quite hungry alot lately. I mean like 2 hours after eating a loosen-your-belt meal. But you know, it feels pretty good to say I've lost 25lbs.

This truly is the internet's most annoying website. If you click here, don't say I didn't warn you...

In other news, I never have to worry about prostate cancer... EVER. (*famous last words*)

If you are one of the two or three faithful readers of this grey state, then surely you have figured out how I adore Liz Phair. I finally have her new self-titled album and I must say how much I fucking love it. If I didn't buy Guster's new album at the same time, I never would have taken it out of the CD player. I mean, I bought the Guster album, so I had to spin it at least once, right?

Many fans of Liz Phair will probably not like this album. Fuck them. Don't listen to them. There isn't a bad song on it. Quit reading this and go here and buy this album already... unless your under 18... Parental Advisory and all...

While the album is WB-ized, Liz is still Liz. That means you can expect hard rocking songs about lust, sex and relationships. Phair (with producers The Matrix) makes radio-friendly pop songs without betraying herself. Don't be mistaken - the album has none of the raw energy as, say, Exile In Guyville. But, who cares when you can hum and snap along to H.W.C. (not a radio-friendly song as the H stand for "hot" and the W stands for "white"; imagine what the C stands for). Plus, you can not deny the "fuck me" power these songs have. This album is musical equivilent of the black stilletto heel.

The first few seconds the CD played, I thought I put Korn or Linkin Park in the player. A heavy, pounding riff kicks off the album ("Extraordinary") but soon transgresses into the Liz Phair fans know and love. Songs like "Rock Me," "Red Light Fever," and "My Bionic Eyes" show she is "just your ordinary average everyday sane/psycho super godess" as she proclaims in "Extraordinary." In "Favorite", she compares her lover to her favorite pair of underwear: "Don't look sexy but it just feels right/Not to dirty and not too tight... And I'm slipping you on again tonight." By the end of the album, you will feel compelled to hit repeat.

Ok, she's not psycho. But she is a super godess...

I took a two week vacation around Xmas, and this place hasn't quite recovered. Then, I took a break from blogging for a few weeks in March hoping to replensh my juices. But, I don't feel like I've been living up to blogging. I want to be a more regular blogger, I really do. I guess I need to look as this as just write something, even if it's crap (like this is).

So what's going on? My wife and kid are staying in New Orleans for a month, so I'm all alone. Thank God I have work to keep me happy. That was sarcasm. I kinda want to get out of the house while they are gone, so I don't just spend the time playing video games. Can I have a little bit of a life?

A friend of mine is trying to make a movie short. I have one line in it. We start rehersals tonight. I'm not sure he knows exactly how to make a movie, but this is a pretty good chance to network and networking could lead to making some new friends, getting some kind of life, and maybe, just maybe making a job contact or two.

But, nonetheless, I am not sure this movie-making experience will be a great thing. I'm scheduled to be at 8 of 9 rehersals and I only have one friggin' line. And rehersals are 4 hours long. Does my (lack of) character really need that much rehersal time? I plan on speaking with him about this at rehersals. 6pm to 10pm 3 nights a week is going to KILL my diet and attempt at life. It's one line and some sitting in the background. It can't require that much rehersal. Then again, I've never made a movie... but I do work in a simular field and from my TV experience, it seems like he doesn't know what he's doing...

Wainwright, we hardly knew thee. Wainwright was what we were calling it for the time being. I don't think we would seriously name a kid Wainwright, but that was what we called the possiblity. Well, this month, we don't have to worry about it. Let's just say there's very good proof that we are, after nearly two years of trying, still haven't conceived.

For a few days, I didn't even realize that Wainwright was a possibility. I don't think I noticed my wife having any symptoms until I caught her reading a book from her first pregnancy. She was double-checking her sympyoms. Over the next few days, we kept comparing her symptoms with the book and other sources. We were 98% positive Wainwright was in there. Even the kid, who has never liked the idea of a brother or sister, was ok with the thought of his mommy being pregnant.

We started thinking about the future. Nothing like Wainwright's college tution or anything like that. Simplier things like when to tell people. Could we fly to Florida for Xmas? She'd be near her third trimester when you're not supposed to fly. What about insurance if I was on a job search? A lot of what ifs. Nothing we couldn't handle or answer.

It's interesting how nature takes it course. Soon, we didn't have to worry about any of those questions. Nature took care of the answers for us. Certainly not the answer we wanted, but what can you do?

As sad as we are about saying goodbye to Wainwright, I do have to wonder if it's for the best. We could use a house before having another kid. It's probably not a great idea to be on a job search when the wife is pregnant. She certainly couldn't do much to help if we moved. Plus, I imagine it would be difficult to get hired when your obviously pregnant.

As sad as I am without Wainwright, right now, we probably need the money more than we need another child. Perhaps, God is really looking out for us that way.

My Horoscope for Today:

Capricorn: These days, work is presenting more of a challenge than you care to take on, but that's just the way it goes. If not you, then who? The answer is no one, and you know it.

NO FRIGGIN' SHITE!!

I haven't had much to say lately. Life has been pretty mundane. But I guess that's kinda what this is about... making life not so mundane. Well, there are a few things in the works that I can't talk about this instant. I'll leave those for their own time.

Today's headache started when my PB&J breakfast hit the bottom of my stomach. I could feel it coming back up but it never made it, thankfully. That's just want you wanted to hear, huh? I still a little droggy. Tes, droggy. There was a lady I used to work with few years ago who was, shall we say, didn't get a full education. There were several times she would say a word in the wrong context or combine two words to make another. One day she was sick and the medicine she took made her feel "droggy." We assumed she combined the words groggy and drugged. Though, I guess I'm now using "droggy" out of context since I didn't take any medicine for it.

The plan is to make the ponytail disappear today. It's coming off. I'm tired of it. Time for a new look. The hair will still be long enough to be call long for a man, but short enough to not bother me.

I reached June's weight loss goal just in the neck of time. I think I hit that plateau where you don't lose any weight. For the past three or four weeks, I wasn't gaining or losing anything. Right before June expired, I started losing again. Total weight loss since May 12th: 23 lbs. My tight-tight pants are now just tight.

Please send your thoughts my way. There's a couple of things I don't wanna talk about right now that could use the extra help. When things are more clear, I will explain.

After today, I only see Miss Management for one more day before vacation.

Hopefully, after 5 or so years of on and off again marriages and weddings, Jack and Carly's re-marriage to each other will go off without a hitch today, and the baby will be Jack's, not Mike's. I like Mike better than Jack, but for Jack and Carly's sake, I hope it's Jack's.

Who do the Astro's play tonight? I was just offered tickets to the game...